While the opposite sex can do things that will cause one to feel fear and to want to keep their distance, there is also the chance that one will feel this way no matter what they do. It is then not something that depends on how another person behaves; it is something that one experiences as a way of life.
It then becomes more or less impossible for them to relax around the opposite sex and this is naturally going to have an impact on their relationships. One might be in a position where they can be friends with the opposite sex and yet, when it comes to forming a deeper relationship, it could be a real challenge.
So one can have the need to be closer to another man or woman, but all the time they fear being closer to them, this is going to be a problem. This is not to say that that one will therefore be single though; as they could still be in a relationship or have had numerous relationships in their life.
But if one is in a relationship, it could mean that they are used to being controlled by their partner. And while mean are usually portrayed as being the ones who are controlling and abusive for instance, women can behave in the same ways.
So the fear is there, but it is not enough to stop one from forming relationships with the opposite sex. However, just because they are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that they can therefore relax and enjoy being with another person.
On one hand then, one has the need to be with someone and on the other hand, they also fear them. This can then put one in a vulnerable position and they are then wide open to being taken advantage of. Through fearing the other person, it is generally going to stop them from standing up for themselves.
Being assertive and saying yes or no at the right times could then be something that doesn’t take place. And as one is not able to stand their ground, it could mean that they are used to being walked over and having their own needs and wants ignored.
Pleasing the opposite sex and doing what they say may feel comfortable, but it is not going to feel right. They might just do things and act in certain ways and then wonder what is going on.
If they were to do what was right for them, it could cause them to experience a whole range thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations. This inner experience then stops one from being able to think clearly and to do what they need to do in order to move beyond this challenge.
In some people’s eyes it can seem strange that someone would fear the opposite sex. And this outlook is generally going to be a reflection of their life experiences up until this point. Men are women are both human beings; they are not from a different planet. So it can seem abnormal for someone to fear the opposite sex.
If everyone was in the same position, human life would gradually begin to decline. But even though other people can wonder why someone would fear the opposite sex and one can have the same question themselves, there is going to be a reason for it.
However, although one may have no idea why they feel as they do, there is also the chance that they will know exactly why it is. The trouble with the mind is that it can often end up being disconnected from the body.
So if one was to listen to their body, they would gradually begin to understand why they feel as they do. When one experiences something that is painful or traumatising, it can cause them to remove their awareness from their body. They are then only aware of what is going on in their head and oblivious to what is taking place in their body.
This is something that is likely to happen unconsciously and without one realising what is happening. Leaving the mind allows one to avoid pain and so there is a good reason for it - it could have been what has kept them alive.
At some point in this person’s life, there is the chance that they were traumatised by a member of the opposite sex. And this doesn’t have to be extreme, it could be an accumulation of experiences that were fairly minor but left a mark nevertheless.
This trauma may have occurred during ones adult years, or it may have taken place during their childhood. One may have had a mother or father or even a member of their extended family who was abusive in some way. This abuse could have been: verbal, physical, sexual and/or emotional.
If there was a member of the opposite sex around at this time that was different, it may have allowed them to realise that they are not all the same. But if this wasn’t the case, then this can cause one to believe that all members of the opposite sex are the same.
These experiences would have caused one to experience certain feelings and to form certain beliefs about the opposite sex. And while these feelings were traumatic, the ego mind would have come to associate them as familiar and therefore safe.
So even though one will consciously want to move on, there is going to be another part of them that will want to hold on. Feeling safe is that matters to the ego mind and so one will need to let go off these associations.
The emotional experiences of the past may have remained trapped in one’s body and will therefore need to be released. And as one starts to feel different, they will no longer fear the opposite sex; unless there is a reason for it.
These trapped emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a body worker. Through their assistance and positive regard, one will gradually begin to realise that it is possible for them to feel safe around the opposite sex. A new inner model of the opposite sex will gradually begin to form.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.