While some people feel comfortable with relationships that are healthy and functional, there are other people who feel comfortable with relationships that are unhealthy and dysfunctional.
There are going to be people who have relationships that are unhealthy and they are aware of this. And there are going to be other people who have relationships that are unhealthy, but are not aware of it.
In this case, this is the only thing they know and it is therefore normal. Whereas, if one is aware of how dysfunctional their relationships are, it might be what is normal, but at the same time, they are aware of the fact that there is another way of relating with others.
All the time one is unaware of what is taking place and that there are other options, they are going to end up suffering unnecessarily. They are in a position where their relationships are not allowing them to feel: uplifted, inspired and fulfilled.
What they are doing is causing them to feel worthless, violated and powerless, amongst other things. To feel this way is unlikely to make one feel as though life is something to be enjoyed, it will be nothing more than something they have to endure.
However, when one is aware of what is taking place and that there are other options in life, they are still going to suffer. But while someone who is not aware is going to suffer and believe there is no way out, this person is going to see that there is a way out.
So even though they are suffering, they will know that it doesn’t have to last forever; it can be put to an end. This is going to give them hope and while hope is not everything, it is clearly better than having no hope whatsoever.
If these two examples are put to one side for the time being and one was to look at their situations, one is going to see that while one person might be more aware than the other, they are both in the same position.
Mentally they are going to be in difference places, but when it comes to their body, they are in the same place. This shows that they are different up top, but down below, they are the same.
What this means is that while one persons intellect and what is taking place in their head is going to be different, their body on the other hand, is the same. Here, what feels comfortable for one person is what feels comfortable for the other.
So when one is aware, they are going to see that even though their body feels comfortable with the abuse, it still doesn’t mean that it is therefore healthy. And when one hasn’t got this intellectual understanding, they are not going to have this contrast to enable them to experience hope and to have the chance to move forward.
So one person is going to be the fish in water and the other person is going to be the fish that has been taken out of the water and then put back in. The first fish has no idea that life could be different and although the other fish is still in the water, they know there is another way.
There is going to be a reason that these people have a different outlook and why they have a body that feels comfortable with abuse. When it comes to why they have a different outlook, it could be due to the kind of people they have come across in life and the books they have read.
The person who doesn’t realise that abusive relationships are not the only option in life and that there is another way, has probably not met or been exposed to anyone who has showed them that there is another way. Or if they have, it would have been rejected and dismissed. And as for books, perhaps they have not read anything to do with abusive relationships.
Having an intellectual understanding is one thing, but in order for one to no longer feel comfortable with abusive relationships, they need to have a body that feels uncomfortable with abusive relationships.
And the reason one’s body does feel comfortable could be due to their experiences as an adult, but it is more likely to be due to what happened during their childhood years. It is during these early years that one forms associations around what is familiar and therefore what is safe.
It doesn’t matter if something is functional and healthy; all that matters is that one has been exposed to it. Through being exposed to it, one will gradually begin to feel comfortable with it. So if these early experiences are generally healthy, it could mean that one will feel comfortable with healthy relationships.
And if they are not, it could set one up to feel comfortable with abusive relationships; unless they do something latter in life to correct what took place of course. These early experiences would have caused one to have certain emotional experiences.
Time will have passed and yet, it doesn’t mean that one feels any different. If one was abused, it is highly unlikely that anyone would have been around to validate how they felt and so they may have had to repress their feelings.
And all the time these feelings remain trapped in one’s body, one will continue to feel comfortable being in abusive relationships. So as these trapped emotions are released, one will gradually feel different and no longer to be attracted to or attract abusive relationships into their life.
These trapped emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. The most important thing is that one reaches out for support and doesn’t suffer in silence.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.