When someone can express who they are their life is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be if this wasn't the case. Here, one will be able to listen to themselves and they will be able to allow what is going on within them to come out.
This will enable them to authentically connect to others, which will make it possible for them to experience real intimacy. Their relationships are then not going to be shallow; they will be full of depth.
The Odd Occasion
Still, this doesn’t mean that they will always express themselves, with their being moments when they will see that it is not a good idea for them to do so. During a time like this, they might see that it is better for them to keep certain things to themselves.
For example, one may have tried to get through to someone in the past, only to see that it is not possible. Consequently, they will be more selective when it comes to what they say to this person and they may even do what they can to limit the amount of time that they spend around them.
This doesn’t mean, however, that one won’t feel comfortable around this person; it is a more a case of them not wanting to deal with unnecessary dramas. Thus, while they could be more open with this person, doing so won’t solve anything.
If they were to end up in the company of someone who was emotionally unstable let’s say, they could soon feel the urge to leave. It will then be clear that spending time with someone who wants them to be constantly on edge is not going to interest them.
At The Root
Being around someone like this is then going to cause them to feel uncomfortable; it could be as if a warning sign has been put up in front of them. In addition to feeling uncomfortable, they will have the drive to get away.
What this will show is that their body is responding in the right way and that they value themselves enough to do what is best for their wellbeing. Behaving in this way will undoubtedly save them a lot of trouble.
When one is around their friends and even their partner if they have one, they will be able to relax and to expand. One will then be able to reveal their true-self and they will be able to grow in their company.
Ultimately, one will be free to be, and it could be said that this is the best way to experience life. To experience life in any other way is simply going to cause one to limit who they are and it will stop them from being able to evolve.
Experiencing life in this will be the norm for some people, while for others; it won’t even cross their mind. When it comes to someone like this, their life is going to be totally different.
They are then going to live on the same planet as someone who experiences life differently, yet it could be as if they live on another one. What this likely to mean is that they have a number of people in their life who are emotionally unpredictable.
When one is around someone like this, their focus is likely to be on what is taking place externally. Instead of their attention being divided between their inner and outer world, then, it will be in one place.
This is going to be a time when they won’t be expressing who they are; they will be making sure that they don’t say or do anything that might result in the other person losing it. What is going on in their body during this time can end up being a mystery.
Their own needs will be put to one side and their priority will be to do what they can to meet the other persons needs. The outcome of this is that their true-self is not going to see the light of day, with them playing a role instead.
Clearly, spending time around people like this is not going to allow them to expand or to grow; it will simply cause them to retract. But, while cutting their ties with these people might be the best thing for them to do, this might not even occur to them.
A Closer Look
On one level, being around these people is going to undermine them and it make their life a misery and, on another level, it could be what feels comfortable. As a result of this, there will be no reason for them to get away from these people.
The reason this feels comfortable can be due to what took place during the beginning of their life. At this stage of their life, they may have had at least one caregiver who was extremely emotionally volatile.
An Unpredictable Environment
One wouldn’t have been brought up in a war zone, but it could have been as if there was a war going on in their home. For no apparent reason, this caregiver could have lost it, and this may have meant that they were physically and/or verbally abused on a daily basis.
This would have been incredibly traumatising for an adult, let alone a child; the big difference is that as they were a child, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to do anything about it. Being hypervigilant and in survival mode would have been a way for them to try to prevent the unpreventable – their caregiver’s outbursts.
The Fall Out
What should have been a time in their life when they were able to develop a strong connection with themselves and to feel safe in their body, ended up bring a time when they lost touch with their inner world and felt as though it wasn’t safe for them to exist. These experiences would have had an effect on their mind and body.
At this age, one would have needed this person to help them to regulate their inner world, not for them to try to regulate an adult’s inner world. It is then not going to be a surprise if one is unable to handle their own emotions as an adult.
It is highly unlikely that the behavioural therapy approach would work here; one will most likely need to work through the trauma that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.