Relationships: Do Some Women's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Dependent On Men?

When a woman is an individual, she will be able to pay attention to her own needs and feelings. Not only this, she will have good boundaries, meaning that she will generally have a strong sense of herself.

What this will do is allow her to live a life that is in alignment with who she is, as opposed to a life that is a reflection of other people’s needs and feelings. Through living in this way, she will be able to experience true fulfilment.

Her Own Mark

Her life will be the result of the decisions she makes and the actions she takes. She won’t have a strong need for approval or do what will make other people happy.

Now, this is not to say that she won’t be able to put herself in other people’s shoes and to see their point of view or that she will be self-centred; what it means is that she won’t get caught up in what other people think. She could have a rewarding career, or she might be working towards having one.

Another Important Area

There is going to be no reason for her to base her happiness and fulfilment on whether or not she is an intimate relationship. This will be something that she experiences regardless of is she is single or not.

Additionally, when she is in a relationship, she won’t need to lose herself and to go along with whatever her partner wants. What this illustrates is how important boundaries are, as they will be what stop her from dissolving.

A Companion

Therefore, if she is in a relationship and is able to maintain her sense of self, it is going to show that she is a whole human being. She is not going to be with a man because she feels empty; she will be with him because she wants to be with him.

In other words, she is not going to feel as though she can’t survive without him. As a result of this, there is going to be no need for her to put up with bad behaviour or to be undermined.

Inner Balance

One way of looking at all this would be to say that the reason that this woman behaves in this way is due to the fact that her masculine and feminine energies have been integrated.  The masculine element will provide her with the strength that she needs to stand her ground, and the feminine will allow her to listen to her needs and feelings, among other things.

By being this way, it is going to be normal for her to attract men who are also in balance on the inside. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that she will always be in complete balance or that her feminine side won’t take over from time to time.

Just an Appearance

There is also the chance that she will often come across as more masculine than feminine. What this comes down to is that there is someone’s appearance and then there is what is going on within them.

A woman can then have more masculine than feminine energy within her, just as a man can have more feminine than masculine energy within him. There are a number of reasons as to why this is.

Another Experience

On the other hand, there are going to be women who are used to being in relationships that are undermining. This type of relationship is not going to allow them to grow and to develop; it will tear them down.

If a woman is in a relationship like this at the moment, she might spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to walk away. Even so, the thought of doing so could fill her with fear and panic.

Conflict

Part of her can feel uncomfortable with being with a man like this, yet another part of her can feel comfortable with it. The saying ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don't’ comes to mind here.

As bad as it will be for her to be with a man who doesn’t allow her to listen to her own needs and feelings, and he might even be physically abusive, it can be seen as being far better than it would be if she was to be on her own. It is highly unlikely that this woman will feel like a whole human being.

The Missing Part

She is likely to feel as though something is missing and believe that this part will be provided by a man. Her sense of self will be weak and this is going to mean that she won’t have good boundaries.

Thus, through feeling so weak on the inside, she will need to be with a man in order to feel strong. However, as she is not in a good way, she won’t be able to attract a strong man; what she will attract is a wounded man who acts strong.

A Facade

A strong man doesn’t need to control or abuse anyone or anything - that is something that a man will do if he is not in a good place. It is going to be vital for a woman like this to embrace her inner masculine, to give her the strength that she needs, and to embrace her inner feminine, to give her the love that she needs.

What is likely to be stopping her from being able to access these two aspects is trauma. During the beginning of her life, she might not have received the kind of care that she needed to develop in the right way.

A Closer Look

There can be the part that her mother played as well as her father; each person will have had an effect. A simple way of looking at it would be to say that her mother didn’t give her the love she needed and her father didn’t give her the support that she needed.

Perhaps her mother was verbally abusive for instance, and her father might also have pulled her down. Then again, her father might not even have been around, and this would have stopped her from feeling supported and protected.  

Awareness
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If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to change her life, it might be a good idea for her to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk