When one thinks about their ideal partner, they may imagine someone who can fulfil all of their needs. They may even describe this person as their ‘soul mate’; with this being someone who will end up transforming their whole life.
There is then the chance that they will have been with a number of people who haven’t quiet matched up to this ideal. In the beginning of the relationship they may have felt as though they had finally met the one, but this outlook may have been short-lived.
One reason that they had this outlook could have been the result of how the relationship started out. During these early stages, or what is often classed as the ‘honey moon period’, the other person may have ticked all the boxes.
And if this wasn’t case, one may have been so caught up with the other person that they overlooked what they were unable to provide. One then starts off with the outlook that this time it is going to be different, but they soon realise that it is the same as what they have experienced before.
The Wrong Person
They may believe that they just haven’t met the right person yet, and until they do, they won’t settle for anything less than they deserve. Therefore, it won’t matter if they get on with another person or not, what matters is that they able to meet all their needs.
So after feeling down and wondering if they will ever find ‘the one’, they may soon be on their way. The cycle then continues, and one can either carry on doing the same thing or they can question their outlook.
When one thinks about meeting someone who can meet every need they have, it is naturally going to make them feel good. The same would apply if one was to imagine what it would be like to have complete control over their environment.
But while someone will realise that it is only possible for them to have complete control in their imagination, they might not realise the same applies to meeting someone who will meet all their needs. It is then not just something they can imagine, it is something they can achieve.
If one was in a position where they could buy just about any car they wanted, and as many as they wanted, they might be able to gain a deeper understand of why it is not possible for one person to do everything. For example, they may have a four by four, a sports car and a people carrier.
Each car will allow them to do what they need to do; if they need to go off-road, they can take the four by four, and if they want a family day out, they can take the people carrier. But if it’s a warm day and they want to cruise around, they can take the sports car.
A Different Purpose
Although each car will allow them to drive around the main roads, when it comes to different terrains or needs, not every car will be up to the task. If they want to go off-road, they are not going to take their people carrier; just as if they want a family day out, they are not going to take their sports car.
Someone could ignore this and take the wrong car, but this could ruin their car and/or it could lead to an accident. While human beings are not cars, they have something in common - they can’t do everything.
More than Others
Some cars can do more than others, but it is still not going to be possible for one car to do everything. Just as some human beings can do more than others, but it is not going to be possible for them to do everything.
To expect one person do to everything is only going to set someone up to be disappointed, and this is because they are expecting something that isn’t possible. This doesn’t mean that one should ignore their needs; what it means is that it will be important for them to look towards other people in order to fulfil them.
One could reach out to friends, family members and work colleagues, and who they reach out to will depend on what their needs are. For example, if a woman wanted advice on what to wear, it might be best for her to speak to a female friend.
Just as if a man wanted to talk about sports or something similar, they may need to speak to a male friend. This will then take away the pressure that would be created if each person looked towards the person they are in a relationship to fulfil every need they have.
Unmet Childhood Needs
Another reason why one can expect another person to meet every need they have is because of the needs that were not met during their childhood. As a child, one would have looked towards their caregiver/s to fulfil their every need, and although they are no longer a child, they can still see others in the same light.
Their unmet childhood needs can cause them to have unrealistic expectations, and they will also end up looking for things that can no longer be provided. What this means is that one will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs.
A New Perspective
If one no longer expects the one person to meet all their needs it will give them a greater chance of finding someone who is right for them. And if one needs to grieve their unmet childhood needs as part of this process, they may need the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.