Relationships: Do Your Friends Accept You For Who You Are Or For What You Do?

One thing that human beings need in order to live a fulfilling life is to be accepted for who they are. But while they have this need, it doesn’t mean that it is always met.

And even when one does feel as though the people around them accept them for who they are, it could be that they only accept them for what they do. The impression one is given from the people they associate with, is then in stark contrast to what is really taking place.

One Argument

However, it could be said one’s behaviour defines who they are and that it is not possible to separate the two. And when it comes to who one is, it will be their behaviour that is taken into account.

To accept someone based on what they do can then seem like the only option available. Yet, just because someone behaves a certain way, it doesn’t mean that it matches up with who they really are.

An Act

It is possible for one to put on an act and to behave in ways that go against who they are. So if someone was to form an opinion based on what they do, they could come to an inaccurate conclusion.

If on the other hand, one was to get to know them and to just be in their company, they might soon realise that their behaviour doesn’t match up with who they are. When it comes to their behaviour, they do the right things, but this is just an illusion.

Intention

This doesn’t mean that one’s intention is to deceive others; it might be the only way they know how to be accepted.  Putting on an act then doesn’t match up with who they are, but it is way for them to receive the acceptance of others.

However, regardless of whether one is out to deceive others or not, they are not being accepted for who they are. If their behaviour matched up with who they are, then this wouldn’t be the case.

In Sync

And even if one’s actions do match up with who they are, it doesn’t mean that this reflects their true nature. For example, one could be doctor or work as an accountant, but this is simply a role they play to fulfil a need or a number of needs.

So when one is playing this role and people like them, it doesn’t mean they accept them for who they are. What it means is that one is being accepted for what they do and while this will feel good, it won’t be enough.

Being Accepted

When one does accept themselves, it will be easier for them to attract people who accept them. They are not going to feel the need to play a role in order to be accepted; who they are is enough.

And while what they do reflects what is taking place within them, there is still so much more to them. The people they surround themselves with, are then going to be people who know who they are behind the role they play.

The Absence

Alternatively, when one doesn’t accept themselves, they can feel the need to ‘be someone’ in order to be accepted. They believe that who they are is not enough and the only way for people to accept them is for them to play a role.

This could then motivate someone to achieve something or to become successful, with the hope that it will enable them to be accepted. This could work, and one could soon find themselves surrounded by people who ‘accept them’.

Caught Up

In the beginning, one could end up being caught up in the approval that they receive from others, and think about how their life has changed over the years. Yet as time passes, one could soon get a sense of the fact that they are still not being accepted for who they are.

The acceptance that they are receiving from others is based on what they do and has nothing to do with who they are. Their life has then changed, but one could end up feeling how they did before their life changed.

Conflict

However, just because one realises what is taking place, it doesn’t mean they will be able to change what is happening. On one side, they are not being accepted for who they are, but on the other, they believe that others won’t accept who they are.

So unless they are able to change how they feel and the beliefs they have about themselves, it is not going to be a challenge for them to attract people who do accept them. And yet if one wants to fulfil this need, it will be important for them to look at what is taking place within them.

Other Walks Of Life

When one does accept themselves, they might find that they have friends other walks of life. This then reflects the fact that one has many sides and is far more than the roles they play each day.

Through being around people who accept then for who they are and not for what they do, it will allow one to be a human being and not a human doing. This is because the people around them are not their because of the role they play, and this means one can let go and be themselves.

Awareness

In order to move forward and for one to accept themselves for who they are, it might be necessary for them to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer. One thing that can stop one from being able to accept themselves is when they are carrying toxic shame.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/