Relationships: Does Someone Have A False Sense Of Importance When They Always Expect Others To Change?
If one is in a position where someone else’s behaviour was having a negative effect on them, they could look into why this is taking place. This can then be a time when one will reflect on what is going on externally and what is going on internally.
What this can show is that one realises that there is what happens externally and then there is how their inner world interprets what happens. Consequently, this is going to stop them from completely focusing on what someone does.
One can ask themselves why this person’s behaviour is having a negative effect on them. Through doing this, they can see if their behaviour is the problem, or if their mind is making it a problem.
Before long, one may find that the reason it is having a negative effect on them is because they are acting in an abusive manner. The next step might then be to let the other person know and then to see what happens.
If the other person heeds what they have said and then gradually begins to change their behaviour, this will be the end of it. However, if this doesn’t take place, one might need to take a different approach altogether.
Alternatively, one may find that there is another reason why another person’s behaviour is having a negative effect on them. Through taking a step back, they could see that it is due to how they are interpreting what is taking place.
It is then going to in their best interest to change what is taking place within them. If they don’t do this, and they try to change the other person, it is not going to allow them to grow and develop.
Instead of dealing with their own issues, they would end up trying to change the other person. This person may or may not put up with their behaviour, but there is the chance that they will soon come into contact with someone else who behaves in the same way.
It will then be necessary for them to try and change this person, and this would cause them to waste a lot of time and energy. So when one doesn’t try to change others, it will allow them to grow and to save a lot of time and energy.
More Than an Observer
At the root of all this is likely to be the understanding that there is a reason why certain people come into their life. One is then not going to see themselves as someone who just observes what takes place.
This outlook is then going to stop them from placing all of their attention on what is going on around then, and it will stop them from seeing themselves as a victim. There will be moments when it will be down to them to change, and moments when it will be down to someone else.
This will also show that one doesn’t see other people as an extension of themselves, and this will then be a sign that they have boundaries. How other people behave will be out of their control, but they will able to control how they respond and to decide who they spend their time with.
So, if another person doesn’t want to change, they are not going to have the need to do anything about it. One will see that this is just part of life, and that it is down to them to move on and to spend time with people who are right for them.
When someone behaves in this way, it is also likely to show that they have a good level of self-awareness. Their needs will be important, but they are not going to be any more important than anyone else’s.
There are then going to be others who have a completely different outlook, and this will cause them to behave differently. If they were to end up with someone who doesn’t behave as they would like them to, it will be down to them to change.
And regardless of whether they are around their friends or their colleagues at work, for instance, they could have the same outlook. If one was able to take a step back and to observe how they behave, they may find that they see themselves as being the centre of the universe.
What this will then mean is that they are more important than anyone else, and this is why they don’t need to change. It is not going to matter if another person’s behaviour is at fault or if it is due to how they are interpreting their behaviour.
Back To Reality
It could then be said that it will be a good idea for them to realise that they can’t change other people; the only thing they can do is to change themselves. Thus, if they are with someone who is not right for them and they won’t change their behaviour, they will need to move on.
And if they choose to live their life in a way that goes against the norm, there are bound to be a lot of people who don’t accept what they are doing. It is going to be up to them to accept this.
Ultimately, when one accepts themselves, it is going to be a lot easier for them to accept other people. Through being this way, there will be no reason for them to try to change others, and they will be able to accept the fact that not everyone is going to accept them.
If one has the need to change others, and they want to change this, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the opportunity to heal the pain that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.