It could be said that there will be moments when one is happy and moments when they are not. And if they were to reflect on their life, they may see that they spend more time in one state than they do in the other.
This can be how their life has always been, or it could just be down to what they are currently going through. If one has the tendency to be happy, they are likely to be in a better position than if they were generally unhappy.
Part of Life
However, no matter how positive someone is, they can still have experiences that will have a big impact on them. As a result of this, there can be times when it will be a challenge for them to maintain their upbeat nature.
For example, if one was to lose a loved one or a relationship was to come to an end, their inner world is bound to change. The people they are close to can then notice that something isn’t right
This can then be a time when they are only too happy to be there for them, and this can mean that they will be willing to put themselves in their shoes, so to speak. Through having these people around them, it is going to be a lot easier for them to handle this stage of their life.
It could be said that it will be important for these people to be patient with them and not to force them to return to how they were. As to how long this process takes can depend on a number of different factors.
If one has lost a loved one or a family member, it could take them a number of years before they are able to embrace life gain. They might return to how they were before, but then again, they could be completely different.
What this emphasises is that the grieving process generally doesn’t happen overnight and that the whole thing can transform someone. Yet if one has lost someone they were close to, it is not going to b a surprise for this to occur.
When it comes to the end of a relationship, it could be something that doesn’t affect them in the same way. After a short while, one might be able to go back to how they were, and this can mean that they will go back to being happy.
If this doesn’t happen, it could be due to how long the relationship lasted, or it can show that they had a strong connection. Yet even if it didn’t last for very long and/or they didn’t have a strong connection, one can still end up feeling low.
A Unique Experience
Two people can then have a breakup and end up responding in a different way. This is not to say that one way is better than the other; what it comes down to is that we are not all the same.
What the relationship was like will have an effect and their childhood can also have an impact. As if their early years were not very stable, the pain that they experienced during this time can end up being triggered.
But when on doesn’t realise this, they can come to believe that it relates to the relationship that has just come to an end. It then won’t matter how fulfilling it was or how long it lasted, as the pain within them can stop them from having a balanced outlook.
One could come to the conclusion that they are meant to be together and that the pain within them proves how much they love them. This could be an outlook that one has whenever a relationship comes to an end, and they are then going to be used to experiencing a lot of pain.
Healing The Past
In order for them to put an end to this dynamic, it will be important for them to work through the pain that is within them. If this doesn’t happen, they are likely to have the same experience whenever a relationship comes to an end.
The pain that they go through by doing this can be intense, but it won’t last forever. And along with these kinds of experiences, one can also go through other things that will have a ‘negative’ effect on them.
One could fail an exam, experience some kind of setback, have an argument, fall out with someone, or end up being ill. Due to this, they might not feel like smiling and could look a bit fed up or even upset.
And while the people they are close to could ask them what is going on, this might not take place. Instead, they could overlook what they are going through and tell them to cheer up or to ‘smile’.
It could be said that there is a greater chance that the people that they are close to won’t act in this way, and that this is more likely to be something they hear from the people they don’t know very well. At the same time, one might spend time with people who don’t care about their needs.
What this can then show is that someone is not interested in how one feels and this then allows them to invalidate their experience. One can then feel ashamed of how they feel and end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them in order to please them.
Having said that, they could end up getting angry and have a go at them, and while the other person could and up feeling guilty, they could also accuse them of being too sensitive. If this happens, one will end up being invalidated gain and it will be clear that the other doesn’t understanding what they are doing wrong.
If someone has the propensity to do this and they can’t see what is wrong with their behaviour, they could take the time to think about how they would feel if they were sad or fed up and the same thing happened. This could then give them the chance to see why their behaviour has a negative effect on others.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.