When someone’s relationship comes to an end, they can have to the need to carry on with their life. There is then going to be no reason for them to spend time talking about the person they were with.
If this is because it ended badly, it will be normal for them to want to put the past behind them. And if they were to spend time talking about the other person, it would have a negative effect on their well-being.
It will be far better for them to live in the present moment, and to have moments when they think about what they would like to achieve in the future. Also, if they are looking to start a new relationship, this will make it easier for them to so.
As if one’s mind is focused on what happened with their ex, it can make it harder for them to attract someone else. For example, if one is holding onto something, it will stop them from being able to pick something else up.
In the same way, if one is energetically attached to someone else, it can stop them from being able open the door to someone new. Or, if they were to attract someone, they could find that they are not available.
If they were in touch with what is taking place within them, this could be something that doesn’t surprise them. On one hand, it could be frustrating, but on the other, it could make them laugh.
However, when one is not aware of how their outer world is mirroring their inner world, it could set them up to see themselves as a victim. The other person could then be seen as being the one who needs to change.
Their lack of self-awareness can then cause them to suffer unnecessarily, and it could take a while for their life to change. Yet, even if their relationship didn’t end badly, it still doesn’t mean that they will want to talk about it.
As far as they are concerned, it’s over, and now it is important for them to move on with their life. So regardless of why it ended, one is not going to want to wallow in the past, and this could be the best thing for them to do.
That is if one is truly able to move on, as opposed to this being a way for them to avoid what is taking place within them. When one does this to avoid how they feel, it is likely to be only a matter of time before what is taking place within them starts to affect their life.
In is then going to be in their best interest to get in touch with their body and to face their feelings. This is unlikely to be too pleasant in the short-term, but it will enable them to actually move on.
Alternatively, one could end up talking about their ex, and this could be a time when they will give a balanced assessment of them. It is then not that they were all bad, but they were not completely good either.
And as no one on this planet is perfect, it might not be hard for other people to relate to what they are saying. What this could show is that one still loves them, but they are no longer in love with them.
Their need to talk about their ex can then be seen as a sign that part of them would still like to be with them. Nevertheless, this part of them will be overshadowed by the other parts that don’t.
If one only has good things to say about their ex, this can show that they were not the ones who ended it. At the same time, this could also be a way of their mind to block out what really took place.
They may have been with someone who was far from healthy, and through idealising them, it can stop them from having to feel abandoned. Being with someone like this is not going to be good for them, but it will generally allow them to avoid how they feel.
This is not to say that this is what will always take place when one was in an abusive relationship; as they could be more than happy to talk about what they were like. In fact, one might feel the need to warn other people about them.
Looking Out For Others
Through letting other people know about what they are like, one could believe that it will stop them from having to go through the same experience. It is then similar to one being taken advantage of by a car dealership, and then telling other people about it.
Not only could this save people a lot of money; it could also stop them from buying a dodgy car. Ergo, by one warming other men/women about someone, they will stop them from being the next victim, so to speak.
A Deeper Look
On one level, this can sound like a good idea, but on another level, it can be based on the belief that people have no control over the kind of people they attract. This is then a random process and it is vital for people to be informed about who is healthy and who isn’t.
If one was nothing more than an observer of their life, this would be the truth; yet, one is also playing a part in what takes place. This doesn’t mean that some people consciously look for people who will abuse them, as it is not this black and white.
When it comes to who one is attracted to (and who they attract), it typically relates to what feels comfortable. At an intellectual level, they could have the desire to be with someone who will treat them well, but at a deeper level, they could have the need to be with someone who is the complete opposite.
And the kind of person they desire at a deeper level can be someone who reminds them of their caregivers. It won’t matter if one was abused by these people; what matters is that this is what is familiar, and this will be classed as what is safe.
Or, if their caregivers were not abusive, it could relate to another person who was round during this time. Thus, if one feels comfortable with someone who is abuse, it might not matter what advice people give them.
It would be the same as telling an alcoholic to make sure they don’t drink a new brand of alcohol, as it said to have a negative effect on people’s kidneys. Even if they were to listen to what is being said, it is unlikely to stop them from drinking it.
One may also find that at the start of their last relationship, they were also warned about the other person, and this might not have had an effect on them either. Ultimately, one can’t stop other people from being attracted to someone, they can only stop themselves.
In order for them to make sure they don’t end up with someone who is abusive, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. And even if they were to come into contact with someone who is, it might give them the ability to walk way before it goes any further.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.