Relationships: Does The Fear Of Abandonment Cause You To Abandon Yourself?

As one is a human being, it will mean that they have their own needs to fulfil. If this wasn’t the case, they could go along with what other people are doing and it wouldn’t be a problem.

One wouldn’t end up feeling frustrated and as though they were on the wrong track; as it wouldn’t be possible for them to be on the wrong track. Ultimately, they would be nothing more than an empty shell.

In The Past

When children were born in the past, they were often seen as an extension of their caregivers. This meant that their needs were not acknowledged by the people around them and they ended up being conditioned to do what the people around them wanted.

Their sense of self would have remained undeveloped and they would have been the perfect slaves. Yet, even though the people around them would have had more power, they were in a similar position.

Generational

There is a strong chance that they were brought up in the same way and this is likely to mean that they were out of touch with their true-self. What happened in one generation was then passed onto the next.

This kind of parenting would have been normal in the past, but in today’s world, it would be classed as abusive. However, just because this is not longer acceptable, it doesn’t mean it no longer takes place.

Individual

Nowadays, people are generally seen as individuals and this has made it easier for them to fulfil their own needs. One no longer has to go along with what other people are doing; they can listen to themselves.

This will give them the chance to lead a life that reflects who they are as opposed to who someone else wants them to be. There may be times when other people know what their needs are, but this won’t always be the case.

In Tune

While one’s friends and/or family may be aware of some of their needs, they won’t be aware of all of them. When one is aware of what their needs are, they will be able to do what they can to fulfil them.

This doesn’t mean that one will always have them met, but it will make it a lot easier for them to have them met. If one is not aware of their needs, it is going to be lot harder for them to fulfil them.

The Other Part

As well as being aware of what their needs are, they will also need to feel comfortable with their needs. If they don’t feel comfortable with them, it won’t matter if they are aware of them.

When they fulfil their needs, it is not going to make them feel as though their survival is at risk. They may expect other people to disapprove of them or even to reject them at times, but these kinds of responses won’t hold them back.

A Different Experience

Yet, if one doesn’t feel safe when it comes to fulfilling their needs, they are going to find it hard to fulfil them. As a result of this, one can end up trying to fulfil others people’s needs as a way to fulfil their own.

Although most of their needs will end up going unmet, it might be possible for them to fulfil certain needs. Yet, no matter what needs they are able to fulfil by pleasing others, they will be neglecting themselves.

Self-Neglect

If the people that one surrounds themselves with realise what is taking place, they may encourage them to take care of their needs. One might be able to accept what they hear, or they might end up ignoring it.

However, they might not realise what is taking place and this could mean that one ends up suffering in silence. The face they show to the world creates the impression that everything is fine, but on the inside, it is a very different story.

Needs

This could mean that one ignores how they feel, doesn’t eat when they need to or eats when they don’t want to. They might end up putting their dreams to one side and doing what they can to full other people’s dreams.

Their attention is not going to be on their life, it will be on the lives of the people around them or it may be on certain person in their life. Either way, one is not going to be taking care of themselves.

Abandonment

If one was to take a step back and to put their needs first, they may fear that they will be left. Ignoring their needs and putting other peoples needs first is then a way for them to make sure they won’t be abandoned.

This shows that one doesn’t believe they can put their needs first and have people around them. It could also be said that they have an irrational fear of being left by others.

Irrational fear

Yet, one is no longer a child and this means it is not possible for them to be abandoned. But even though one looks like an adult, it doesn’t mean they feel like one.

What this will mean is that while their fear may be irrational now, there would have been a time when it was rational. This is likely to mean they were abandoned during their childhood and how they felt during these moments has stayed within them.

Awareness

During these early years, being left would have felt like the end of the world and this is because one wouldn’t have had the ability to regulate their emotions. So unless the emotional pain of the past is processed, one will continue to abandon themselves in order to avoid being abandoned by others.

One will need to grieve their unmet childhood needs and this is something that can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/