While someone can have relationships that they want to be in, they can also have relationships that they don’t want to be in. This doesn’t mean that one will no longer spend time with these people though; as they might still spend time with them.
In this case, one is not going to be listening to how they feel; they are going to be ignoring how they feel. How this affects their life can depend on what the relationship is like and/or how often they see the other person.
If one was to have a friend or a number of friends who were not right for them, it might not have the same effect as it would if their partner was not right for them. This is because one usually spends more time with their partner than they do with their friends.
However, it could all depend on the kind of influence that a friend is having on their life. If they are having a negative influence on their life, it might not matter how time they spend with them.
When it does relate to the person who one is in an intimate relationship with, they are not going to have as much time away from them. In most cases, one will live with the person and this is generally going to mean that they will see them every day.
The other person will be a big part of their life and it won’t be as easy for them to get away. There may be times when their partner is away or at work, but other than that, they will be there.
Half and Half
One might find that they no longer want to be around the other person or they could find that they are unable to decide what they want. This could mean that the other person has moments where they act in a certain way and moments when they act in another way.
It then might not matter how bad their behaviour is as one is focused on what they do that is good and does their best to block out what isn’t. Due to the other person’s behaviour, one might know where they stand.
Up And Down
Their relationship is not going to allow them to experience emotionally stability; it is going to create emotionally instability. This may be something that took place from the moment they met the other, or it may have appeared as time went by.
Yet, even though their relationship may have moments where they feel respected, if it is mixed with moments where they feel disrespected, it is not going to be good for them. This will be a clear sign that one needs to speak up or to walk away from the other person.
For some people, this kind of scenario might not be something they can relate to and this is because they don’t put up with bad behaviour. If they were to come across someone who acts in a way that is harmful they would simply walk away.
Yet, if there was a time when they were in the same position, they might be able to emphasise with what they are going through. This is likely to mean that they will offer their support as opposed to telling the other person to ‘just leave’ or to simply ‘walk away’.
The reason one wants to leave the other person could be because they are abusive. This could mean that the other person tries to control them through their words and actions.
Being with the other person is not allowing one to be themselves and to grow; it is destroying them. In their mind, they might wonder why they can’t walk away and this outlook is likely to be backed up by the people they know.
Yet, just because one wants to leave the person they are with, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s because they are abusive. At one point in time they may have been on the same page, but as time has passed, this is no longer the case.
All the time one stays with the other person, it is stopping them from being able to embrace who they have become. As the other person is not abusive, it could cause the people around them to question why they want to leave them
On one side, one wants to leave the other person (for whatever reason) and on the other, they are unable to follow through. When they think about leaving the other person, they will end up feeling incredibly uncomfortable.
If one is in touch with their emotions, they might find out that they fear being abandoned. But if they are not aware of their emotions, they could just experience fear and that’s as far as it goes.
When one fears being abandoned, they won’t feel like an interdependent adult; they will feel like a dependent child. At an emotional level, they will feel as though they need the other person in order to survive.
Many years will have passed since they were a child, and this will be known through their appearance, but they are still unable to feel like an adult. Their behaviour is being defined by how they felt as a child.
One approach would be for one to look at what is taking place in their mind; this would involve changing one’s thoughts and beliefs. However, the reason one fears being abandoned could come down to the fact they were abandoned during their childhood.
What this means is that it is not about what is going on in their mind - it is about what is taking place in their body. How they felt when they were abandoned during these early years has stayed trapped within their body. And as one didn’t have the ability to regulate their emotions during these early years or to think about what was happening, it would have felt like the end of the world
In order for one to let go of this fear and feeling of being abandoned, they will need to face the pain that has stayed trapped within their emotional body. This will take place through one grieving their unmet childhood needs.
If one has been avoiding how they feel, it could mean that they need to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Through their support, one will be able to gradually get in touch with how they feel and to grieve their unmet childhood needs.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.