Relationships: Has Internet Dating Caused Some People To Believe That They Can Find The ‘Perfect’ Partner?
In today’s word, one no longer needs to be around people in order to find someone to be in a relationship with, and this is because of the internet. The internet has changed the world in more ways than one, and one of the ways it has changed the world is through allowing people to find a partner online.
As a result of this, they no longer need to direct a large part of their time and energy into finding someone. They can carry on with the rest of their life, and during the moments where they have nothing to do (or even when they are already doing something), they can go online.
On one side, there will be the amount of time and energy they save by not going out, and on the other side, there will be the amount of money they save. Although they may have to pay a monthly fee to be part of a dating site, it is likely to be a set price
If they were going out on a regular basis to find someone, they are unlikely to spend a set amount of money each month. Part of the money they usually spend can then be saved or used for something else.
Going On Dates
Whilst they will still spend money when they go out a date with someone who meets their criteria, they are more likely to spend a set amount of money. For instance, once they have decided where they are going to meet; they might stay there for the whole time.
Whereas, if one was looking for someone in the ‘real world’, they could end up going to a number of different places. And along with the drinks they buy, they could also end up paying to get into a number of different venues.
Buying a Car
For example, if one was to buy a car, they could end up trying out a number of different ones before they find the one that meets their needs. This will take a certain amount of time and energy, and they will also need to get to each garage.
Now, if they were able to experience what a car was like without getting into it, their life would be a lot easier. The trouble is, this is not possible, and one has to try every car until they find the right one.
The Other Side
Although it internet dating can be more economical, there is also the chance that it can cause one to use just as much time, energy and money as they did before. What this comes down to is that even though one can find someone who matches up with their criteria; it doesn’t mean they will match up with them when they meet.
One can then end up going on date after date without meeting someone who they actually connect with. This can partly come down to the fact what someone shares online doesn’t always match up with who they really are.
The Emotional Cost
It also shows that just because one finds someone who is ‘right’ for them, it doesn’t mean that they will be attracted to them. For example, it is not uncommon for one to be attracted to someone who is not good for them.
When one meets people in the real world who appear to meet their requirements and then they soon find out that this is not the case, it can end up being frustrating. And if this happens on a regular basis, it can end up causing them to feel hopeless.
The same thing can also happen if one continues to meet people from the internet who don’t match up with what they are looking for. But if they have so many people to choose from online, they can believe that it will only be a matter of time before they find the ‘perfect’ partner.
This process can be similar to buying an item of clothing online, and as there are so many to choose from, why should one settle for anything? Having high standards is one thing, but it is another thing altogether to have standards that don’t match up with reality.
Maximising Pleasure and Minimizing Pain
Through looking for people online as opposed to meeting people in person, it can set one up to view people in the same way as they would view an object. The object is there to make them feel good, and as soon as this starts to change, it will be time for them to find another object.
A relationship can then no longer be seen as something that will have moments where one feels good and moments where they don’t; it can be seen as something that will make them feel good all the time. This is not to say that one should put up with someone who is abusive; what it means is that real relationships have challenges
The Sun Doesn’t Always Shine
Just as there are times when it rains, there are also moments in relationships that are not as one would like them to be. However, it is through working through these moments that allow people to feel closer to each other, and to grow as human beings.
Another way of looking at this is to say that relationships play a big role in allowing one to heal themselves, and so if one is looking for a ‘perfect’ relationship, they are not going to allow this process to occur. What they can end up doing looking for is someone who will stop them from having to face the parts of themselves that they don’t want to face.
If one does find someone they like and they start to experience conflict, they can believe that there is someone out there who is better. There is then going to be no reason for them to stay with them and to delay gratification, and this is because they will believe that the ‘grass is always greener’.
This is likely to be something they believe though seeing so many profiles online. But no matter who they go with, they are still going to end up experiencing some kind of discomfort, and this is because perfection is an illusion.
Pleasure and pain are part of life, and the more one tries to avoid pain, the more chance they have of experiencing it. When one is looking for ‘perfection’ in others, it can be a sign that they are running away from themselves.
In this case, being with someone who doesn’t match up with the illusion in their minds is going to cause them to get in touch with all that they are trying to run away from. Another approach would be for one to be comfortable with themselves, as this takes place; they will no longer look for someone who is ‘perfect’.
When it comes to accepting oneself as they are, it is likely to be a time where one will be letting go of what is stopping this from taking place. This is something that can occur through working with a therapist and/or a support group, along with reading books on self-development and applying what one learns.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.