For a woman who has been with an abusive man it is not always easy to move on. And this can be due to the following factors; how severe the abuse was and how the woman responded to the abuse.
But no matter what took place or how a woman was able to respond to the abuse that was taking place, a woman’s normal way of being will have altered. And this means that how she saw herself, others and the world is likely to have changed.
This can result in friends, family members and colleagues for instance, commenting on how they have changed. And while some women will be better than others at covering up how they feel, it is still likely to appear in some way.
When a woman is abused it can have numerous consequences and this can include: low self esteem, self doubt, physical appearance issues, and a lack of interest in life amongst others things.
Because even though how the man behaved towards the women didn’t reflect who they truly were, the woman internalised the man’s views. The woman may blame herself for putting up with such abuse and yet when we are in a relationship, we open up our boundaries and allow another’s person views to enter out personal space.
So through what took place happening so often, it is not much of a surprise that it was taken on board and embodied. And what was simply the man’s ideas and views, then become the woman’s truth about who she is what she is capable off.
A New Beginning
What has happened cannot be changed and yet a new beginning can be created at any moment. And this means that a woman can get back in touch with who she really is and embrace what is true for her.
As a result of what took place, it may be hard to get back in touch with what is true, at least at first. And with persistence and patience it will gradually start to reappear.
From This Moment
This could involve remembering how they felt before the relationship started, what interested them and made them feel alive and how they used to dress. All of these things may have become forgotten about as a result of what happened.
And by connecting to the person they were before or imagining a new version, ideas will start to appear on what can be done. It may be beneficial to write down this version and through doing this, it will give them a plan or structure to follow and stick to.
At the time it wouldn’t have been pleasant to be around this type of man and through no longer being in relationship with one, it can lead to all kinds of understandings. A woman can come to see what she will and won’t put up with and how she does and doesn’t deserve to be treated.
Their awareness around abusive men is also likely to increase; so filtering out men who are abusive will be a lot easier. It may have also been a wakeup call to no longer compromise or settle for anything less than what they truly need and want from a man.
Reaching out to supportive friends and family members will be essential during these early stages. These can be people who validate and acknowledge who a woman is and not people who invalidate their true nature.
Through the healthy mirroring and feedback from others, it will be easier to get back in touch with what is true and real and to let go of what is not.
After being with a man who was abusive it would be natural and normal to assume all men are the same. The mind works in polarities and so there is no grey to the mind. And after being with a man that was abusive, the emotions that were related to the man can be projected onto other men.
So it may be important to question how men are viewed and to let go of any unhealthy models and ideas that would stop one from attracting a man that is respectful, loving and kind for instance.
If this is a situation that a woman continually finds herself in it may be necessary to seek the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach; or to read up about this area and engage in some kind of self reflection.
The assistance is out there, it is just a case of deciding what help is required and asking for it. And not allowing this to be something that defines who one is, but a stepping stone to a greater and more fulfilling relationship with oneself and others.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.