Although a woman may find that it is relatively easy for her to attract a man, what she may also find is that she is unable to find a man who actually wants a relationship. This may mean that she has been with a number of men who were emotionally unavailable.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that she was able to realise this when she first met each of these men. Therefore, each time she met one of these men, she may have believed that her luck was about to change.
Up and Down
She would have experienced certain feelings and thoughts at the beginning and, after a certain amount of time passed, her inner world would have changed. It may have been as though she was flying at one point and at another; her wings had been taken away.
If she did end up falling down emotionally, it might then have had an impact on every other area of her life. She may have alternated between feeling angry at the guy she was with and feeling angry at herself.
At this point, she might decide to take a break from men and to focus on other areas of her life. But, even if she was to take this route, it might only be a matter of time before she feels the urge to find a man who is available.
Conversely, it might only be a matter of time before she ends up coming into contact with a guy who she believes is available. It might be different this time, but then again, it may end up being just the same as before.
The Third Option
Another approach would be for the woman to take a step back and to think about why she has the tendency to attract these kinds of men. She will be the person who shows up each time, so it is not as though she is just an observer of what is taking place.
If she is too attached to her mind, it might not be possible for her to accept this. There will then be no reason for her to look within or to change her behaviour, as it will simply be about finding the right man.
Consequently, she may feel the need to learn about how to spot a man who is not available. Looking within and finding out about what part she is playing is likely to be better, but this will be better than nothing.
At least if she does find out about what the signs are, she will be able to walk away a lot sooner. By focusing entirely on the external world, it will help to minimize the amount of pain that she will have to experience.
What she may find out is that if a man comes on really strong at the beginning, it could show that he is not available. For so long, she may have believed that this meant that he was ready to have a relationship.
The reason this is likely to show that something isn’t right is because the man won’t know much about the woman, yet he will be willing to offer so much – or so it seems. If a man actually wanted to have a relationship with a woman, he would take the time to get to know her.
The Sensible Approach
This is similar to similar to how he wouldn’t just give a job to anyone if he wanted to hire someone who would have a positive effect on his business. If a man creates the impression that he is willing to jump into a relationship more or less straight away, it can show that he only has the ability to connect mentally and physically.
It is then not that he needs to protect his heart by getting to know a woman first, as this part of him is not open anyway. His primary need can be to experience physical pleasure and to fulfil his need for attention and approval, for instance.
What can fuel his need to connect so soon is the feeling of rejection and/or abandonment, and, what can push him away - as the relationship develops - is the feeling of being smothered. Feeling this way can then cause the man to disappear, only to return once he starts to get in touch with the feelings that made him come on strong to begin with.
This is not always going to happen, though, and the man may not come on very strong in the beginning. Still, he may have the inclination to talk about his ex a lot or even put forward the idea of having an open relationship.
Physically Present, Emotionally Absent
When it comes to the former, this can show that he is still emotionally attached to his ex, meaning that he is only able to offer part of himself to another woman. Being with another woman could simply be a way for him to avoid how he feels.
If he was to put forward the idea of an open relationship, it could show that he only has his body and mind to offer. It is then not that he wants a relationship; it is more a case of having a number of women available who will fulfil his ‘lower’ needs.
A Clear Sign
A man might go one step further than this and end up having a number of different affairs. Going with other women can allow the man to experience a sense of freedom, with this being a way for him to regain his boundaries.
Getting close to a woman will erode his sense of self and getting away from her will rebuild it. Thus, while this will take care of his sexual needs, it can be more about gaining a sense of control.
These are just a few of the things that a woman can look out for if she is looking to have a relationship. If she was to look within and to see what part she is playing in all this, it is likely to make it easier for her to find a man who is available.
One of the things that might be stopping her from finding a man who is able to fully show up is the fear of being seen, along with a fear of being smothered. One way for her to shed light on why this area of her life is this way will be for her to look into what took place during her early years.
The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.