In the same way that there are a number of reasons as to why someone would want to eat something, there are also a number of reasons as to why someone would want to have a relationship. If someone wants to eat something, it could simply show that they are hungry.
Then again, it could also show that it is that time of the day when they usually eat or that they feel down, for instance. In these cases, it is not going to be essential for them to eat anything.
Consequently, it wouldn’t be right to say that food only serves one purpose. This is something that is widely understood in today’s society; with numerous companies selling food that is designed to make people feel better.
It is then not their aim is to give people what they need to stay alive; their aim is to improve people’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Chocolate is one of the things that some people often reach out for to change how they feel.
The Other Example
When someone wants a relationship, it could show that they feel the need to connect to another human being. At the same time, it could show that they are trying to avoid how they feel.
Due to this, their main priority is not going to be to connect to another human being. In fact, it might be accurate to say that connecting to another person is the last thing on their mind.
In A Bad Place
If one was able to step back and to reflect on what is taking place for them, they may find that don’t feel good about themselves. Along with this, they may often feel lonely and as though they are not connected to anything.
These different parts are then going to be what give them the drive to find another person. As a result of how low they usually feel in their day-to-day life, they might not be too picky.
The Perfect Match
In a way, they will be sending out the message that they need to be saved, and this may cause them to attract someone who comes across as capable and having it altogether. This person can end up trying to save them; doing just about everything they can to make them feel better.
The person who they ended up most likely won’t have been looking for someone to connect with either; what they will have been looking for is someone to fix. Before they met them, they may have also felt down.
A Different Need
Conversely, someone could feel incapable and doubt their own worth, giving them the desire to find someone to rescue. So, unlike the example above, they will be the one who wants to fix another person.
Being with another person is the not going to be a way for them to experience intimacy; it will be a way for them to experience a sense of worth and power. In this example and the example above, it is not going to be possible for someone to fully show up and to reveal their true-self.
Built On Sand
Like a house that is not built on firm foundations, a relationship like this is probably not going to stand the test of time. If someone is only with another person because they feel down and lonely, they might soon lose interest once they feel better.
They will no longer be the same person, causing them to have a different set of needs. On the other hand, if someone is only with another person because they need to be saved, they could lose interest if this person was to get it together.
A Social Prop
Another thing that can take place, when someone doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin, is that they can end up being drawn to someone who looks good. Having this person in their life is then going to be a way for them to receive the love from others (strangers) that they lack within themselves.
This person is going to be no different to a flashy car or an item of clothing; they will be there to make them look good. Ultimately, what other people think about them is going to be far more important than what they think about themselves, which is a natural consequence of them being out of touch with their inherent worth.
One way of looking at each of these examples would be to say that this is what happens when someone is not ready to have a relationship with another person. For one thing, they haven’t got a healthy relationship with themselves.
They are using another person to change how they feel, and this will most likely stop them from being interested in actually having a relationship. One false-self can be trying to have a relationship with another false-self, something that could result in one person playing the role of the child and another playing the role of the parent.
How to Know?
Taking all this into account, it could be said that there will need to be a number of things in place before one is ready to have a relationship. Feeling comfortable in their own skin and feeling whole and complete will be vital, which means that they won’t need another person to complete them or to feel good about themselves.
Having a fulfilling life will also help, as this will stop them from needing another person to make them happy. When they experience life in this way they might not even have the need to be in a relationship and this can show that they are ready to have one.
Their attachment to finding someone will have greatly decreased, making it easier for them to end up with someone who right for them. Their life will be fulfilling, so there will be no need for them to compromise and to let anyone into their life.
If someone finds that they don’t feel good about themselves or feels empty, for instance, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.