Relationships: How Should Someone Respond When Another Person Doesn’t Put In Any Effort?

It is often said that relationships are about give and take, and it would be hard to argue with this. When two people get together, they will both have their own needs, and it is going to be important for their needs to be met.

Even so, this is not to say that both of them are going to have the same needs. There are likely to be certain needs that they both have, and then they can be others that are unique to each person.

The Basics

When it comes to the needs that both of them have, it can relate to the need to be heard, respected, and appreciated, for instance. In addition to this, there can be their physical and sexual needs.

As long as they are both in touch with these needs, it shouldn’t be a challenge for them to get them met. It could be said that it might be a good idea for one to be there for the other person.

Point of Focus

Through extending themselves to the other person, it is likely to result in their needs being met. That is providing that the person they are with isn’t self-centred and is also willing to extend themselves.

There are then going to be moments when one gives and moments when they receive, and overall this should allows each of them to get what they need. There they can be times when one gives more than they receive, but this is just part of life.

The Foundation

What matters is that each person is committed to the relationship, as this will enable them to be there for each other. Also, if one of them is not getting their needs met, they will need to talk to their partner about it.

If this was to take place, it would be easy for one to get annoyed, or to feel as though their needs are being ignored. Yet, what this could show is that the other person is simply unaware of what they need.

Mind Reading

If human beings could read minds, it wouldn’t be necessary for something like this to take place. It would then be possible for two people to get together and they would instantly know what they need.

At the same time, when two people get together and they are in tune with one another, they are likely to get a sense of what their needs are. This doesn’t mean that they will be able to always get it right though.

At First

In the beginning of a relationship, there can be a greater chance of each person getting their needs met. The reason for this is that each of them can have the desire to please the other, and this can bring out their best behaviour.

As time goes by and they begin to feel more at ease, it is going to be normal for their behaviour to change. The change could be dramatic, or it might be hard for them to notice the difference.

Moving On

If they feel comfortable with each, they might no longer expect their relationship to be the same as it was in the beginning. Both of them can have an understanding of what the other person likes and this can make it a lot easier than it was at the start.

What can also occur during this time is that one person can completely change their behaviour. And although they are going to look the same, the other could wonder if they are with someone else.

Out of Balance

Consequently, this could cause them to put in even more effort as a way to change what is taking place. Based on what is taking place, they could believe that this will allow the relationship to go back to how it was in the beginning.

In the short-term, this might cause the other person to alter their behaviour, but this might not last for very long. The next step might be for them to do even more for them, even though what they were doing hasn’t caused the other person to alter their behaviour.

Positive Reinforcement

The trouble with this is that instead of one letting the other person know that they are not pleased with what is taking place, they are validating their behaviour. The less effort they put into the relationship, the more one puts in.

Therefore, there is going to be no reason for the other person to change their behaviour. If one was to no longer put in as much effort, it might allow the other person to see that their behaviour is not acceptable.

Opening Up

One thing that one could do is to talk about how they see things, and to see what the other person says. This will give the other person the chance to share what is going on for them, and there might be a reason why they are behaving in this way.

Alternatively, they could say that they haven’t changed, and they could accuse one of being too needy, for instance. What this could show is that they are not aware of how their behaviour has changed.

Awareness

After hearing this, one could take the time to reflect on what is taking place, and to decide on what they are going to do next. If the other person is not willing to acknowledge what is taking place, they are unlikely to get very far.

In this case, it might be a good idea for them to ask themselves if they want to stay with them. They could find that the sooner they move on from this person, they better their life will be.

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/