While one can be friends with people who put in as much effort as they do, there is also the chance that this isn’t the case. It could then be said that some of their relationships will be out of balance.
And not only might this apply to their friends, it could also be something that they experience in their intimate relationships. These relationships are then unlikely to be very fulfilling, and one could wonder what is going on.
Part of Life
One way of looking at this kind of behaviour would be to say that it is simply part of the human experience, and that it can’t be avoided. For one thing, modern day technology makes it easier than ever for people to put in the least amount of effort when it comes to their relationships.
This comes down to the fact that a lot of what people say to each other these days takes place over a screen. Therefore, while it is easy to talk to someone, it is just as easy to ignore them.
But this is not always going to be necessary, as one could simply stay in touch with someone without saying much. They could then respond from time to time and this could occur without them showing any interest in another person.
One could see themselves as being the centre of the universe, and the people who get in contact with them can be seen as their followers. Their life can be seen as being more important than anyone else’s and it will be normal for them to let other people put all the effort in.
However, while technology could be blamed for this, there are going to be other factors involved. If anything, it could be said that one probably already had the tendency to be self-centred.
Thus, it is not that going online caused them to be self-absorbed; it is that modern day technology accentuates this part of their nature. And while there will be a number of people who put up with this kind of behaviour, there will be plenty who don’t.
When one is surrounded by people who don’t put in much effort, it is going to have a negative effect on their life. It is then going to be as if another person is meant to be pushing a car with them, but they are the only ones pushing it.
If this is what their intimate relationships are like, they are going to experience a lot of frustration. They may start to see themselves as being unlucky and/or they might even feel worthless.
Now And Then
Yet, even if one only experienced this on the odd occasion, it could still have a big effect on them. For example, if a friend had moments when they put in effort and moments when they didn’t, they might find it hard to work out where they stand with them.
And if they were in an intimate relationship with someone who was warm one moment and cold the next, it could cause them to experience a lot of unnecessary drama. The emotions that they go through by being with someone like this can set them up to suffer in one way or another.
When one is invested in another person, it can be easy for them to get caught up in what they are or are not doing. Their mental and emotional state can then end up being out of their control.
And in order for them to change, it will be vital for them to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. This can then enable them to regain their equilibrium and to respond as opposed to react.
If one finds that another person goes silent for no apparent reason, it could show that they have a lot going on in their life. Perhaps they have a lot of work to do, or that something tragic has taken place.
The best thing for them to do during this time could be to give them some space and then to see what happens. Or, they could try and get in touch with them without having the need for a certain outcome to arise.
After a while, they may soon find out why they haven’t heard from them and everything will then make sense. At the same time, this could be something that happens on a regular basis.
It can then seem as though one only hears from them when they want something, or when the other person is in the right mood, so to speak. As a result of this, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one ends up feeling used.
Along with these two scenarios, one could find that they don’t hear from someone again after they have gone silent. So if they were to try and gain a response from them, they would be wasting their time.
The Next Step
When it comes to what they should do when someone is indifferent, it can all depend on how often it occurs and who it relates to. As while one might be willing to put up with a friend who doesn’t always reply to their messages or return their calls, they might not have this outlook if they were in an intimate relationship with someone who behaved in this way.
If someone acts indifferent and one continues to put effort into the relationship, they can be wasting their time and energy. It might then be a good idea for them to spend their time and energy on someone who is going to reciprocate.
One is then not doing this to mirror their behaviour and to get a response out of them; they are doing it to let go of someone who is not having a positive effect on their life. And through doing this, it can allow them to open the door to someone who will be happy to give and not just take.
If one finds that they have pattern of attracting people who just take, it could show that they don’t value themselves, or that they don’t like people getting to close to them. This is something that can change with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.