Relationships: If Someone Feels Ashamed Of Their Needs Can It Stop Them From Recognising When Someone Is Self-Centred?

While there are people who are drawn to those who are self-centred, there are others who are repelled by them. When it comes to the former, it could be said that they are going to spend time with people who are not right for them.
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Yet, when it comes to the latter, there is a strong chance that they will spend time with people who going to have a positive effect on their life. What this comes down to is that they will have needs and if these are not met, it is going to be a challenge for them to live a fulfilling existence.

One Area

When it comes to one’s needs, naturally it is not going to be possible for their friends to meet all of them. There are going to be meets that they can meet and needs that they are unable to.
In the same way that if one was in a relationship, their partner is not going to be able to meet all of them. In addition to the needs that other people can meet, there will be the ones that one will have to meet.

Interdependent

If human beings were dependent on each other, then their needs would only be able to be met by others. As they are interdependent, it allows them to be there for themselves when other people are unable to be there for them.

When it comes to the needs they have to fulfil by themsevles, it can relate to what they will need to do in their career, for instance. It will be down to them to take action and to go after what they want to achieve.

The Right Nutrients

It is only to clear how important it is for one to eat the right foods, but what is not as clear is how one will also need to be around the right people. The people they spend their time with will have a big effect on how they see themselves and on what they achieve.

Therefore, if one has people in their life who are not self-absorbed, their life is likely to be a lot easier than it would be. One will see that these people value them as much as they value having them in their life.

Give and Take

If they were to message them, it is unlikely to be a one-sided interaction; there will be the effort that one puts in and the effort the other person puts in. It will then be clear that they are separate individuals, as opposed to one person being an extension of the other.

As if this was the case, there would be no need for one of them to put in any effort. One person could talk and the other person will be seen as someone who is only there to meet their needs.

Boundaries

Each person is then going to have a clear idea of where they begin and end up, and this will be what plays a part in them being able to behave as they do. What this will also do is to allow both of them to be in touch with their needs.

If one was to message someone and they were to only talk about themselves, and this was something that took place on a regular basis, there would be no reason for them to have them in their life. One would be in a position where they would end up giving more than they receive, and it would be a one-sided relationship.

Out of Balance

No matter what they give, they are not going to get anything in return. Or, if they do, it won’t make up for the amount of time, effort and energy they put into the relationship. 

If something like this was to take place, one could give them a chance, and if they don’t change their behaviour, they could soon end up cutting their ties. The amount of respect one has for themselves is going to stop them from tolerating this kind of behaviour for very long.

Another Scenario

But although this is kind of behaviour is going to push them away, there will be others who will stick around. And, if one was to take a step back, they could find that there is someone in their life who has always been this way.

In fact, just about all their friends and even their partner (if they have one) could have the tendency to ignore their needs. When it comes to spending time with these people, the attention is typically going to be on them.

Undetected

If one is able to detach from what is happening, they will see what is going on; however, this could be something that they typically overlook. And during the moments when it does stand out, it could soon end up disappearing from their mind.

In the eyes of others, it will be obvious that the people around them are self-centred (that’s if they don’t experience life in the same way).One way of looking at it would be to say that one is generally blind to what is going on.

The Reason

What this is likely to come down to is that one feels ashamed of their needs, and this is why they don’t expect other people to meet them. They are going to feel the need to do everything they can to hide them from others.

The people in their life are only going to be interested in their own needs, but this is going to be what feels comfortable. Through being around these people, it is going to stop them from having to reveal their needs, and this will be seen as something that will stop them from being rejected and abandoned.

Awareness

One’s main priority will not be to get their needs met; it will be to do what they can to stop other people from realising how worthless they are. Being around people like this won’t add a lot to their life, but what it will do is stop them from having to be exposed.

Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with one’s needs and they are not worthless. How they see their needs and themselves is likely to be the result of what took place when they were younger.

In order for one to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for the support of a therapist. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/