While a woman can have the desire to be with a certain type of man, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. There is then the chance that the kind of guy she ends with is completely different to the one she had in mind.
Not a Problem
Nevertheless, she could find that this is someone who is just right, and this could make her think about whether or not the person she had in mind would have been right. It could then be as if she didn’t know what was best for her.
Thus, the kind of man who she thought would have been a good match is not the kind of man who would have been. What this can show is that her idea of the perfect man was created by external sources.
There is likely to have been the effect films, magazines and TV programmes had, and there would be how she was influenced by the people around her. Each of these influences would have come together to create her ideal man.
It could be said that this is similar to how someone can come to believe that a small car would be perfect for them, and how this can change when they get into a bigger car. They could see that the car they had in mind would have been far too small for them, and that a bigger car is just right.
The Modern Day World
If a woman does have this experience, there is going to be no reason for her to feel bad about not knowing what kind of guy would be right for her. For one thing, the mainstream media and other sources are working day and night to influence people.
In addition to this, there is the effect that her early years would have had on her; with these experiences playing a big part in how she saw life. It is only once she has experienced something for herself that she can realise whether what she believes is true or not.
A Different Outlook
This could end up being a relationship that will last for a long period of time, or perhaps it could come to an end before long. Yet even if it didn’t last for very long, it would have given her a better understanding of the kind of man who is right for her.
As to why it came to an end, it could have been something that was out of her hands. Maybe he had to move to another country for his career and she was not willing to go there, or it might have been the other way around.
On the other hand, a woman could end up with a man who is nothing like the person she has in mind, but he might not be a good match. This could be a man who is controlling, and this is naturally going to stop her from being able to be herself.
In the beginning, he may have tried to control her in small ways and, as time passed, it could have got even worse. The area of her life that is supposed to have a positive effect on her wellbeing is going to have the opposite effect.
A Big Difference
Still, if she was to think about what he was like when she first met him, she may find that he was different. This could have been a time when he was attentive and charming, among other things, and this would have then caused her to believe that he was right for her.
But as time went by, and as she developed a stronger bond with him, his behaviour may have gradually changed. Or, this might have been something that appeared to just happen, with it coming out of nowhere.
There would be how she behaved when she met him and there would be how she behaves now that she is with him. She is likely to find that she can no longer behave how she wants to, and that he is the one who defines how she can behave.
Her true-self will have been covered up and, in its place, will be a false-self that she has had to develop. As a result of this, she might no longer do the kinds of things that she did before she met him.
Before she met him she may have spent a lot of time with her friends, but now they are together, she might rarely see them. And while this is going to be hard to handle, she might no longer have the desire to see them.
Through being with someone who squeezes the life out of her, she might have lost the will to do anything about it. This could be the first time she has ended up in this position, or it could be something she has experienced on a number of occasions.
If she has been with a number of men who are controlling, there is the chance that she will see herself as a victim. This is something that keeps happening and there is nothing she can do about it.
The only way her life will change is if she just happens meet a man who is different, but it might be hard for her to believe that this is possible. This is because she could believe that all men are the same.
It is then going to be vital for her to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place. If this was to take place, it would give her the chance to see that she is the person who shows up each time, and this is why she is not a victim.
Now, it could be said that there is no way for her to tell if another man will end up trying to control her; even so, there is a reason why their paths crossed to begin with. At a deeper level, they were a match, and this is why they were drawn together.
A Closer Look
There is a strong chance that she feels comfortable being with a man who is controlling, and this can be due to what took place when she was younger. During this time, she may have had a caregiver who abused her.
At the time, this would have caused her to suffer, but her mind would have come to associate being treated in this way as what is safe. What is familiar is what is safe to the mind, and this is one of the reasons why child abuse is so destructive.
What is also destructive is that being treated in this way will have stopped her from being able to develop in the right way. It will have stopped her from developing boundaries and caused her to disconnect from her inherent value.
Fortunately, what took place when she was younger doesn’t have to define her life forever. How she experiences life can change through dealing with what is taking place within her, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.