Relationships: Is Being Curious An Important Part Of Experiencing Intimacy?

If one was to go and see their doctor, there is a strong chance that they would be the point off focus. This is primarily due to the fact that one is likely to be there because they have a problem and the doctor is there to assist them with what is taking place.

One way of looking at this would be to say that one is receiving more than they give, and if this was a normal relationship, this wouldn’t be the case. But as this is not a normal relationship, this is not going to be the case.

The Benefit

Through playing this role, it will allow the doctor to fulfil their needs, and this is not just going to relate to the kind of things they will be able to buy. If they were doing this to earn money, then it would be clear that they are doing it for the wrong reason.

One of their primary needs may be to make a difference in other people lives, and this can also be a sign that they have a good level of empathy. Hearing about what other people are going through and doing what they can to change their circumstances is then something that gives their life meaning.

Both Sides

There will be what the doctor receives and there will then be what the patient receives, and each person is getting what they need. In many ways, this is a relationship that is similar to what takes place with a parent and a child.

As along with one being the centre of attention when they go to see their doctor; they can also look up to them. Thus, just like one can believe that their parent knows everything, they can also have the same outlook when it comes to their doctor.

A Short Time

However, this would have been how they experienced life as a child, but as an adult it will only be something that they experience on the odd occasion. That is unless, of course, they have the tendency to see other people in the same way.

It then won’t matter if they are paying a visit to their doctor or spending time with friends or family, as they will feel the same. What this will then mean that one’s relationships are out of balance.

Balance

If one generally looks up to others, it could be said that they believe that other people are above them. Based on this, one will believe that other people have more to give and it will then be a challenge for them to have adult to adult relationships with others.

The ideal with be for them to see themselves as being on the same level as other people, and for them to have moments when they give and moments where they receive. One person is then no more important than the other and they both have a part to play.

Talking and Listening

So when they spend time with someone they are close to, this is generally going to be moments where they will talk and listen. There will then be the chance for one to express themselves and this will allow them to take in what has been taking place in the other person’s life.

This is not to say that each interaction they have will be equal; what it comes down to is that their relationship won’t be one-sided. One will then have a good understanding of what is taking place in the others life and the other person will be in the same position.

Curiosity

Yet if one didn’t have a certain level of curiosity, it is likely to mean that this wouldn’t take place. The reason for this is that unless one wants to find out about another, they are unlikely to make the effort.

As a result of this, it can stop them from getting to know people and this can mean that they won’t be able to develop relationships with them. Instead, one could end up being isolated from others, or they one could end up being surrounded by people who make all the effort.

Out of Balance

It can then be normal for them to live a miserable existence on one hand, or to take more than they give on the other hand. Either way, their life is going to be out of balance and until they change their behaviour, they will continue to experience life in the same way.  

When one finds that they are not interested in other people, it could be how they have been for as long as they can remember. At the same time, they might have ended up this way after something took place in their adult years, for instance.

A Deeper Level

Through being curious about someone, not only will it allow them to get to know them on a surface level; it can also allow them to get to know them on a deeper level. Surface level connections play a part in life, but it is the deeper connections that will be far more fulfilling.

And as long as the other person is also curious and is happy to give, they will return the favour. It will then be possible for intimacy to take place, but this wouldn’t have occurred if one was caught up in their own life.

An Act

Still, even if one is self-centred, that doesn’t mean that they won’t be interested in other people. What it does mean is that they will only be interested when they want something, and once they have what they need, their behaviour may soon change.

This can then mean that their relationships won’t last for very long or if they do, it is likely to be a sign that they attract people who don’t value themselves. One could see other people as an extension of themselves and this can play a part in why they use them.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and they want to change their behaviour, it will be important for them to change their point of focus. Through putting more effort into their relationships, it will allow them to have a more fulfilling life.

This is a process that can take place through simply being aware of what needs to be done and then taking action. But if one feels as though they need to be assisted with this, they may need to work with a therapist and/or a support group. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/