If one wants to develop the ability to do something well, this is generally not going to happen overnight. In order to get to this level, they will need to put in the right effort, and they will need to be persistent.
For example, if one was to plant a number of tomato plants in their garden, it would be essential for them to give them the water they need. If they were to simply water them a few times when they first bought them, they are unlikely to grow.
This is going to be something that they will need to do every day and, even when they start to produce fruit; they will still need to water them. In this case, what they get back will typically be defined by what they put in.
Part of life
When it comes to having fulfilling relationships, a similar approach is also going to need to be taken. If they were to meet someone, they might have a connection with them, but that is going to be as far as it will go.
And then as time passes, this may gradually begin to develop into something far more significant. If this was to take place, it will show that each of them has put a certain amount of effort into the relationship.
There would have been the amount of time that each of them has spent talking over the phone and through messaging, and the time they have spent together. Without this, they wouldn’t have the same kind of connection.
Now, this is not to say that each person will put in as much effort during each interaction, as there are likely to be moments when this doesn’t take place. But overall, it will be clear that each person has played their part.
As there was a connection, and each person wanted the other person to be in their life, there would have been no reason for one person to control the other. The desire each of them had to develop the relationship would have come from within them.
And, through the person responding in a positive way to their behaviour, it would have encouraged them to continue. If this didn’t take place, then there would have been no reason for them to behave in the same way.
A Waste of Time
One would be putting their energy into the wrong person if this wasn’t taking place, and this would be the same as watering a tomato plant that is no longer alive. It would be clear that the plant is not going to produce fruit, but one would be acting as if it this is not the case.
It could be said that this is unlikely to take place, as one would realise that the plants time has come to an end. Nevertheless, while one can have this understanding when it comes to something like this, it doesn’t mean that they will apply this outlook to their relationships.
And, the reason why they can find it hard to embrace the reality of the situation can come down to what is taking place at an emotional level. How they feel can stop them from able to think clearly, and this can then cause them to put up with what is taking place.
The other person might put effort in from time to time, but that could be as far as it will go. Their relationship could be then be described as one-sided, and this is going to be anything but fulfilling.
However, what can’t be overlooked here is the effect that one’s self-image will have when it comes to the kind of behaviour they will put up with. If one values themselves, they might soon decide that it’s time for them to walk away.
Yet, if they haven’t realised their own value, they could continue to tolerate this kind of behaviour. And through putting effort into the relationship, they will be indirectly telling the other person that their behaviour is acceptable.
Said another way, they will be rewarding the other persons behaviour, and as a result of this, there will be no reason for them to change. The other person could come to see that the less effort they put in, the better one responds to them.
What this will how is that one is not the only one who doesn’t value themselves, as the other person is likely to be in the same position. If they did, there would be no reason for them to treat other people in this way.
The Other Side
Based on this, it is going to be only too clear about what one will need to do if they want to erode a relationship. This will take place through cutting down on the amount of effort they put into it.
The downside to this approach is that if they act in this way towards someone who doesn’t value themselves, it could end up having the opposite effect. But if the other person is willing to put up with this kind of behaviour, it is debatable as to whether it is worth keeping the relationship alive.
The Right Nutrients
If, on the other hand, one values another person, it will be vital for them put effort into the relationship. This will mean that they won’t have as much time to focus on themselves, but it will bring them far more fulfilment in the long run.
One could find that they have the tendency to take other people for granted, and that they just expect them to be there. There is also the chance that their early years didn’t give them the guidance they needed when it came to how to behave in a relationship.
If one finds that they need to be assisted here, they may need to work with a therapist and/or to read books on self-development.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.