If one lived in the middle of nowhere and there was no one else in sight, they might not need to think about anyone else. The only thing they would need to think about is their own needs, and their life would be based around fulfilling these needs.
Yet, if it isn’t this black and white, it could mean that they have a dog that they have to look after. But even if they have a dog, this is not going to be something that will consume their life.
In addition to what they have to do for their dog, there can be what they have to do to the land around them. If they take care of the land, it can allow them to grow the kind of food that they need in order to survive.
This is then going to mean that they will have a few things to focus on and, when they are not focusing on these things, they can think about themselves. This is going to be radically different to how it would be if one spent time around others.
When one spends time around someone, it is going to be important for them to make sure they are not caught up with their own needs. One is then not going to be consumed with what is taking place within them; they will be aware of what is going on for the other person.
Through extending themselves in this way, it allows them to bridge the gap that exists between them. As a result of this, it will allow one to connect to the other person and to put themselves to one side.
This is going to cause one to come across as though they are interested in what the other person has to say. Thus, not only will one’s body be there; their presence will also be there.
And as they are able to tune into what the other person is going through, it is going to be a lot easier for them to know what they need. Through being aware of the signals that the other person is giving out, one will know how to respond.
But even if one is not aware of what someone needs, it doesn’t mean that they won’t know what to do. The only thing that one will need to do is to ask them what it is that they can do for them.
What matters is that one is able to notice that someone isn’t right and, from here, something can be done about it. It is then going to be clear to the other person that one cares about them.
When one behaves in this way and the person they are with also behaves in the same way, it can allow them to have a strong connection. And, it won’t matter if one is spending time with a friend, a family member, or their partner, for instance, as it is always going to be important for them to be this way.
One could find that if they were to behave in this way around someone they don’t know they could soon end up with a new friend. The other person could see that one is interested in their needs, and this could draw them in.
Always a Way
When one is in a relationship with someone who has empathy, it is going to be a lot easier for them to work through any challenges that arise. Firstly, both of them will have the ability to see when something isn’t right.
Through putting themselves in the other person’s shoes, they will be able to get an idea of what the other is going though. From here, they will be able to apologise, or change their behaviour in some way.
What this is going to show that is that one has the ability to give and they have the ability to receive. And as one is an interdependent human being, this is going to make it a lot easier for them to thrive.
It is through one being there for others that other people will be there for them. There may have been a time when one was there for others but they didn’t return the favour, and this could have shown that one didn’t value themselves, amongst other things.
But even though it is important to have empathy, it doesn’t mean that everyone has it, or that everyone has the same amount. So, if one lacks empathy, their experience on this earth is going to be extremely different.
When one is focused on their own needs and they are not interested in what is going on for other people, they could believe that other people exist to meet their needs. It is then going to be as if these people are an extension of them.
Take and Take
This is likely to mean that they won’t have any friends, or if they do, they can be surrounded by people who are also out of balance. These people could have the tendency to focus on other people’s needs, and they could believe that their needs are not important.
One is then going to take what they can, and these people will just put up with it. It could seem as though one doesn’t have the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes.
So if one is in a relationship, for instance, and their partner had a problem, they are not going to be able to be there for them. One could end up telling them to ‘get over’ it or to ‘move on’.
This can then cause their partner to feel invalidated and as though one doesn’t care about them. If there is a problem in their relationship, it is highly unlikely that it will get any better; in fact, it could end up getting even worse.
If one is caught up with their own needs and finds it hard to empathise with others, it will be vital for them to work on this, that’s if they feel the need to. And if one is used to attracting people who are self-centred, it is going to be necessary for them to look into why they put up with these people.
As if they valued themselves, they might no longer be drawn to (or attract) these kinds of people. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.