If someone was to think about what their friends are like, they may start to think about how supportive they are. These are then going to be the kind of people who are life-affirming, and it could then be said that that they have the right people in their life.
On one hand, they may have experienced life like this for as long as they can remember, and on the other hand, this might not be the case. If they can relate to the former, then one may simply take it for granted.
Where if they have experience life differently, they might be only too aware of how fortunate they are. This is not to say that they just woke up one day and their life had changed, as there is the chance that they had to put a lot of work in.
Having said that, even if one has more or less always experienced life in this way, it doesn’t mean that they don’t feel grateful for how their life is. They could spend a lot of time thinking about this, and they could also let the people around them know how they feel on a regular basis.
Along with this, even if one hasn’t experienced life in this way for very long, it doesnt mean that they are still in touch with how their life used to be. In this case, one could be in a position where they take their friends for granted.
Yet regardless of what goes through their mind, they are going to be around people that want the best for them. Their intentions are going to be clear, and they are then not going to have the need to undermine them.
Now, this is not to say that they won’t experience conflict, but this is likely to be resolved in a conscious manner. There will then be no need for one person to blame the other, and this should mean that there won’t be any unnecessary drama.
When they get together, this could be a time where they find out about each other’s life, and they could open up about what it taking place at a deeper level. Through opening up on more than one level, it will allow them to experience a deeper connection.
This can then mean that one will grow through spending time with these people; just as the people they spend time with should also grow. Thus, there could be moments when they press each other’s buttons, so to speak.
However, as long as they are able to take responsibility to for what is taking place within them, this shouldn’t be a problem. Through being this way, it will allow them to work through what comes up.
There will then be no reason to project what is taking place for them onto the other, and this could even bring them closer together. It could then be said that one will have relationships with others that will allow them to heal themselves.
But while one might be able to relate to the above, there is also the chance that they can’t. This could mean that they are surrounded by people who are highly critical, or they could have one person in their life that is like this.
Yet even though this could be the case, it doesn’t mean that one will also be able to realise what it taking place. And this is because they could do it in a way that creates the impression that they have their best interests at heart.
As a result of this, one could end up feeling down and they won’t know why they feel this way. But, even if one was to point out what is taking place, there is a strong chance that their words would end up being dismissed.
In fact, this could give the other person another chance to put them down, and this could cause one to feel even worse. The other person could say that they are trying to help them, or that one is too sensitive, for instance.
Out of Touch
What this can then show is that they are out of touch with what is taking place within them, and until this changes, one is unlikely to change their behaviour. If they were to reflect on their own behaviour, they could believe that they are not going anything wrong.
When one believes that they criticise others to help them, their behaviour could be seen as something positive. On the other hand, when they simply criticise others for the sake of it, they might believe that other people are incapable.
This is not to say that someone wont have this outlook when they seen themselves as trying to help others; what it means is that they might not be interested in helping them. The only thing on their mind could be to bring people down.
A Deeper Look
Nevertheless, when someone behaves in this way, there is the chance that they don’t feel good about themselves. But if one does feel good about themselves, it could be a sign that they have disconnected from how they feel at a deeper level.
What they criticise in others can be what they are not willing to face within themselves, and through putting other people down, it stops them from having to face themselves. Along with this, it will allow them to elevate themselves to a superior position.
If this is the case, then there is the chance that something has happened at one point in their life in order to for them to be this way. This could be due to what took place during their early years.
At this time in their life, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect, and this would have caused them to feel worthless. This would then have stopped them from getting what they needed in order to develop self-worth, amongst other things.
Through being treated in this way it can be normal for them to carry a lot of pain within them. If their caregiver was able to realise that what they were doing was wrong or one had worked through their pain with a therapist, for instance, then this pain wouldn’t be there.
But as this hasn’t taken place and how they felt when they were taken advantage is still within them, it is bound to come out in ways that are destructive. When one is not aware of this pain and it ends up controlling their behaviour, it can cause them to abuse others.
So when one criticises others, it can allow them to express what they would have liked to have expressed to their abusive caregiver/s. The difference is that while they may not have felt safe enough to do this when they were younger, this is no longer the case.
The wounded part of them that feels powerless will then be put to one side and they will end up identifying with their perpetrator. One will then lose themselves (that’s if they have found themselves to begin with) and treat others in a way that is similar to how they were treated.
Unless one realises what is taking place, they will continue to behave in this way, and this is because it allows them to change how they feel about themselves. It is then going to be important one to develop self awareness, as this will allow them to see why they behave in this way.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist, and they can also allow them to work through the pain that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.