If one was to go on a date with someone, they might come across as though they are looking for a relationship. Thus, if the other person wants the same thing, this is going to have a positive effect on them.
However, if these two people met through the internet, this is likely to be something that has already been made clear. And if the other person hadn’t said that this is what they wanted online, there is the chance that they wouldn’t even be on date.
Now that they are together, it will give them the opportunity to get to know each other better, and to find out if they are compatible. As even if they believed that they had a connection beforehand, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case.
Trough talking over the phone and over a screen, both of them could believe that they are going to get on really well. One of them could find that the other person is funny, and the other could believe that the other person is easy going, for instance.
So now that they are together for the first time, both of them might find that it’s as if they are with someone else. This could cause both of them to feel let down, and as though they have been wasting their time.
Alternatively, this could be a time when everything seems to go to plan; with them getting on like a house on fire. Once their first date has come to an end, they could soon find a time to get together again.
But even if two people were to come into contact with each other in the real world, there is still no guarantee that their first date would be any different. For example, two people could meet on a night out and, when the met again, they might not have a connection.
On A Different Page
In addition to this, one of them might want to settle down with someone, and the other might not want to settle down at this stage in their life. This could be something that will become clear more or less straight away, or it might come out into the open once the date is over.
It could be said that even if one of them feels let down, it won’t be because they were lied to. What it will come down to is that they had certain expectations and, as these were not met, it caused them to experience pain.
Out In the Open
In this case, one will have set themselves up to suffer as opposed to being taken for a ride by someone else. But regardless of whether they had expectations in place, at least they will be able to move on and to find someone who does want what they want.
If one wanted to have a relationship and another person said that they wanted the same thing even though they didn’t, it would be far worse. In the short-term, it would be far easier for them to deal with.
The First Step
One could then go on a date with someone and they could believe that this is the start of something special. Not only do they want to share their life with someone; the other person also wants the same thing.
This could be a time when they will take one step at a time, or they might even start to think about what it would be like to start a family. If one was aware what was really going on for the other person, they might soon end up walking away.
Yet, as the other person is covering up what is going on for them, there is going to be no reason for them to think otherwise. And if one was to talk to them about moving in together or having children, for instance, the other person could say that that’s exactly what they want.
The days, weeks and months could pass by and, out of nowhere, the other person could leave them. This could then be a time when one will end up experiencing a lot of pain, and they could wonder what is going on.
One could get in touch with them but they might not hear anything back, and this could cause them to think about if they actually meant anything to them. This is going to mean that they won’t be able to talk to them about how they feel; they will have to deal with the damage by themselves.
At the same time, they might find that they hear from them again, and the other person could talk to them about why they left. And now that they are back, they could say that they are ready to have a relationship.
The Same Story
Now, there is the chance that what they are saying is the truth, and this time it will be different. There is also the chance that the same thing will happen all over again, and this person could have a number of people on the go.
Therefore, not only is one being taken for a ride; they are leading a number of men/women on. If they were to look into why they are behaving in this way, they might not be able to understand why.
What this can show is that this is someone who was treated badly by their mother/father, and this is why they go out of their way to harm men/women. When they were younger, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was taking place but, now they are an adult, they have the ability to get their own back indirectly.
When someone sees that the person they were with is in pain, it will probably cause them to feel good. But as the pain of what happened to them when they were a child is still within them, they won’t be able to change their behaviour.
This is just one of the ways in which someone’s childhood years can have an effect on how they behave as an adult. What happened to them is all in the past and one is now an adult, but they are still being controlled by the wounded child that is within them.
If one can relate to this and they no longer want to lead people on, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to face the pain that is within them and to heal it.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.