Relationships: Is It A Good Idea For Someone To Ask Themselves Why They Want To Be In A Relationship?
If one wanted to start a new relationship, they might think about where they can find someone to be with. Alternatively, they could simply join an online dating site and see what happens there.
There could also be moments when one goes out in the evening to different places, and there might be a number of social clubs that they go to. It could be said that there are a number of ways to meet people in today’s world.
The Next Step
Once they have found someone who they get on with, they could take the time to get to know them. What this is going to show is that one is not going to rush into this; they will want to see if they are right for them.
Or this could be a time when one will go with how they feel, and it is then not going to matter too much about if they are a good match for them. Their thinking brain will be offline, and their emotional brain will have taken over.
After This Phase
Through getting to know them, one might be only too happy to take things further. It will be clear that the other person is right for them, and there is going to be no reason for them to hold back.
However, if one is being controlled by how they feel, they are not going to need to take the time to think things through before they take the next step. Or if they do think about it, it might simply be a way to rationalise how they feel.
In A Relationship
As time begins to pass, one could find that everything is going as they expected it to go. The way their partner behaved when they met them could be how they have continued to behave; it is then not going to be as if they have turned into someone else.
This can cause one to believe that they made the right decision, and the people around them could comment on how happy they are. But if a challenge does arise, both of them might be only too happy to work through it.
Although the above scenario could be seen as the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is what always takes place. Instead, one could find that this ends up being an area of their life that causes them a lot of pain.
This could be because the other person ends up becoming someone else and no longer treats them in the same way. Conversely, the other person could treat them well, but one could feel as though something is missing.
Being in a relationship would then have been seen as something that would completely transform their life, but it hasn’t worked out this way. There is then what they expected to happen, and what has actually happened.
This could mean that one will stay with the other person and put up with what is taking place, or they could look for someone else. If they take the first option, they life is unlikely to improve; in fact, it could get a lot worse.
The Same Story
Yet, even if they take the second option, it might not get any better. In the beginning, they could find that it is just as good as it was and, as time passes, it could be just as bad as it was.
One could then decide to take a step back and to look into why they are experiencing life in this way, or they could go through the whole process once again. If they want to change their life, it might be best for them to take a step back.
The Big Question
What one could ask themselves is why they want to be in a relationship, as this will give them the chance to look into if they are coming from the right place. For example, if one was to find that they are not happy and this is why they want to be in a relationship, they are going to expect a lot from someone.
Or, one could find that they feel as though something is missing, and this can mean that they want someone else to complete them. Once again, this is going to cause them to expect a lot.
It could then be said that it is not that one wants to be in a relationship; what they really want is to feel different. If they were to change how they feel, they might no longer have such a strong need to be with someone, and they are likely to be attracted to someone who is completely different.
One would feel happy or they would feel like a whole human being, and it would be a lot easier for them to enjoy life. And as they are not as needy, they would be ready to have a relationship.
Give and Take
When one is completely consumed by their own needs, it is going to be a lot harder for them to be there for the other person. It might then be more accurate to say that one wants someone to take care of them; they will be the child and the other will be the parent.
So, if one wants another person to make them happy, it will be a good idea for them to look into what they can do to change this. And if they feel as though they are not complete, they can also look into why this is.
What this could show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed during their younger years, and this is why they feel as though something is missing. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected.
In order for one to move forward, the assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.