Relationships: Is It A Good Idea For Someone To Ask Themselves Why They Want To Rescue Another Person?
If one had a friend who was going through a challenging time, they might look into what they could do to assist them. This could be a time when they will listen to what is going on for them and offer their advice.
Then again, this might not be enough, and they could offer to take them out for the day instead. Or, they might take them out and give them advice whilst they are spending time together.
However, regardless of what they do for this person, it is unlikely to be something that will end up consuming their whole life. One is going to have other things to do, as well as other things to think about.
It could be said that this is to be expected; after all, one is not an extension of the other person. If they were to get caught up in what is taking place, it would cause them to neglect their own life.
A Challenging Time
This is not to say that there won’t be moments in their life when they do end up neglecting their life in order to be there for a friend, for instance. What it means is that that this will be the exception as opposed to the rule.
For example, if one of their friends has just lost someone, they might need their support for quite some time. One could then spend more time with them or they could spend more time talking to them over the phone than usual.
During the moments when they are not assisting them, it will be possible for them to focus on their own needs. It is then through being there for themselves that they are able to be there for others.
Also, one is not going to end up doing too much for other people, which this means that they are not going to disempower them. To say that one could harm another person by doing too much could be hard to believe.
A Different Kind of Relationship
When this takes place, one is going to be acting more like the other persons parent. One is not going to see them as a friend or their partner, for instance, they will see them as someone who is incapable of standing on their own two feet.
Now, this is not to say that this is exactly what will be going though their mind; yet, this is what their behaviour will suggest. Fortunately, when one has good boundaries this is not going to take place.
Through having boundaries, one will know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. So if they were to do too much, they would soon realise that it was time for them to take a step back.
What this will also come down to is that they are an empowered human being, and this is going to stop them from having the need to keep another person down. Thus, although they will lend a hand to someone, they are not going to try to change their life for them.
While this is how some people will live their life, there are going to be others will who have a different approach. One is then going to spend a lot of time doing things for the people in their life.
In fact, one could give far more than they receive, meaning that their relationships are going to be out of balance. Yet, even though this is the case, one might not even be aware of this.
And even if they do have moments when they realise what is taking place, it might not have an effect on them. As far as they are concerned, they will be doing the right thing by overlooking their own needs.
One is not just going to give a helping hand though; they will believe that it is their responsibility to solve other people’s problems. On the surface it will be as if one is doing the right thing, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion.
An Unhealthy Dynamic
It could be said that if one wasn’t there to help these people, it would be a lot harder of them to cope. The trouble is that as one does so much for others; it stops them from being able to embrace their own power.
One is then enabling their behaviour as supposed to truly helping them and, if they were no longer around, they might find someone else to rescue them. Or, they might end up looking into what they can to save themselves.
A Closer Look
Also, it is highly unlikely that one is doing this because they are needless; what it is likely to show is that they feel ashamed of their own needs. Being there for others is then an indirect way for them to meet their own needs.
But as a lot of the people they try to rescue are going to be consumed by their own needs, this is rarely going to take place. When someone doesn’t return the favour, it could cause them to be filled with rage.
Even so, it might not be long until they disconnect from how they feel, though, and end up doing what they can to rescue someone else. What this shows is that one is running away from themselves.
There is the chance that their younger years were a time when their needs were rarely, if even, met. Instead of their caregivers being there for them, they may have had to meet their needs.
This would then have set them up to believe that other people’s needs are more important than their own needs and to disconnect from their own needs. It is then going to be a good idea for them to change what they believe and to heal the pain that is within them.
The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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