Relationships: Is It A Waste Of Energy For Someone To Try And Find Out Why Their Relationship Came To An End?
If one is in a relationship and it was to come to an end, they might be only too happy that they are able to move on with their life. For a number of weeks or even months, they may have been thinking about how much better their life would be if they were both to go their separate ways.
Still, this is not to say that they won’t feel down after it comes to an end, and this could come as a surprise. Yet if they were with them for a while, it is to be expected that they will feel this way.
Ultimately, they had developed an attachment to them, and as this has come to an end, there can be a sense of loss. Their life is no longer how it was before and so it can take a while for them to be at their best.
A New Beginning
But as they no longer want to be with the other person; they are not going to have the need to get caught up in how they feel. They could accept that it is normal for them to feel this way and carry on regardless.
And after a short period of time, their emotional state could soon begin to change. This could be due to them focusing on their career and/or it could be the result of them meeting someone else.
If one was think about what their life was like before and what it is like now, they could experience a deep sense of satisfaction. They could even think about how different their life would be if they were still with the same person.
They can then be pleased that they are the longer in a relationship and/or they can think about how they wouldn’t have met the person they were if their life had stayed the same. If they are with someone, they could be far more compatible than the person they were with.
It can then be easier for them to function at their best in other areas of their life, and this is because they won’t be in a relationship that is having a negative impact on them. Thus, they may find that their whole life has improved.
On the other hand, if they were still with the other person it would have been a lot harder for them to feel good about themselves. It would then not just be a case of one being in the wrong relationship, the rest of their life may also have paid the price.
What this person goes through is then going to be radically different to what someone goes through when they didn’t want their relationship to end. The fact that they are no longer with them could cause them to experience a lot of a pain.
It is then not going to be possible for them to carry on with their life and to put the relationship behind them. They may find that the only thing they can think about is the other person, and this could cause them to neglect the rest of their life.
Up And Down
There is the chance that they will have moments when they feel down and moments when they are able to rise up again. When it relates to the former, it could show that they are caught up in how they feel.
But when it relates to the latter, it could be a sign that they are imagining what it would be like to be back together. This could then be seen as a defence mechanism that their mind is using the keep the pain in their body at bay.
Searching For Answers
In addition to this, there is a strong chance that one will have the desire to find out why they are no longer together. What this could show is that the relationship ended suddenly and that everything seemed to be fine up until this point.
At the same time, one might not be willing to see that it was no longer working and that its time had come to an end. But if they don’t fully understand why it came to an end and they want to find out, this is something that could completely consume them.
A Number of Ways
This could take place through one reflecting on what happened whilst they were together and they could try to contact their ex. What could make it harder for them to look back on what happened is if they are in an emotionally charged state.
It is then going to be a challenge for them to think clearly, and they might need to settle down before they are able to make the right assessment. They may find a number of articles online that will also assist them with this, amongst other things.
Out of Reach
And even if their ex was to say why it came to an end, it doesn’t mean that what they say is the truth. There is also the chance that one won’t be able to get hold of them, and this could make it even harder for them.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that one will stop trying to contact them, and this is going to keep their mind busy. If one was to step back, they may find that they are being driven by their need to avoid how they feel.
At a deeper level, they could believe that their life will return to how it was if only they can find out why the relationship ended. It might be better for them to process the pain that is within them and to develop themselves.
This will then allow them to settle down and to improve their life, as opposed to being stuck in their pain and wasting their time and energy on the past. The assistance of a therapist may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.