Questions such as: what does it take to keep a woman happy and what does it take to please a man, have been around for many years. And sometimes people come up with answers and sometimes people give up trying to find answers.
The great psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud even pondered this question when he said - ‘’The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'’
And as this statement came from someone who knew so much about human nature, it resulted in further confusion and mystery being created. But while the questions above are often asked by people, there are many other questions that people can have in regards to the opposite sex.
One example that comes to mind is the film ‘’what women want’’ starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. Magazines, newspapers and books also shed light on these questions and each source will often have different answers.
The popular book ‘’Men and from mars, women are from Venus’’ by John Gray is perfectly titled for today’s world. It provides a sense of validation for someone who is experiencing confusion in this area of life. And then there are advertisements that also play on this dilemma.
Now, whether someone believes in what these sources have to say is unimportant. As it is unlikely that everyone is going to feel acknowledged and that their reality is being validated by them.
There exposure and popularity is due to the fact that they are reflecting what is going on for a lot of people. If the interest wasn’t there, then the above creations would not exist or if they did, they wouldn’t be as well known.
Although a man may think about what a woman wants and a woman can wonder how it is possible to keep a man happy, these are fairly general questions and ones that have received a lot of exposure in the mainstream.
However, when it comes to the challenges that each gender has, they are likely to be a lot more specific. Men will have things that seem to continually cause conflict and frustration and so will women.
There is inevitably going to be patterns that are experienced between the sexes. But as all men and women are not the same, these can ultimately relate to either gander. The challenges for a man can be women who are: too emotional, overly needy, distant or aloof for example.
And for a woman, this can relate to men who are: emotionally dead, unavailable, controlling and needy, amongst other things.
The Search For Answers
Based on these patterns that a man or a woman notices in the opposite gender, it would then be natural to want to understand why they act in these ways. Here, one can talk to their friends or to seek out the sources that were mentioned above.
Through doing this one may come to conclude that that’s just what men/women are like and that they can’t be understand. And this wouldn’t be much of a surprise, especially as there are so many voices out there that support and validate the perspective each gender is a mystery.
So the mind is doing all it can to make sense of the experiences that one is having with the opposite sex. The mind will come up with all kinds of reasons through observing what is taking place and then interpreting what it observes. Past experiences, a combination of past experiences and intellectual knowledge will often define how something is interpreted.
And these reasons can then be seen as the truth. One can then come to conclude that the opposite sex is indeed a mystery. However, while the mind simply observes what is taking place and therefore sees everything as being external and separate; this does not the complete truth.
Whether it relates to a man’s or a woman’s challenges with the opposite sex, one is being given feedback of what is going on at a deeper level. The other person is simply mirroring back what they have not faced within themselves. And this is why it is more a case of one understanding who they are, than it is in understanding the opposite sex.
But due to the minds ways of seeing everything as external, ones inner conflict is often recognised in another person long before one recognises it in themselves. And that is if one even realises that it’s coming from within.
The challenges that one comes up against in the opposite sex are a great way to see what is out of balance within. And although these have been put into two distinctive categories, they can relate to both sexes.
So a man may attract women who are too emotional and this may be a sign that they have become estranged from their own emotions. So while the woman has no control due to being unable to regulate their emotions, a man just denies that they exist and becomes numb as a way of dealing with their emotions.
Or perhaps they are attracting women who are needy and this could be due to them being out of touch and denying with their own needs. They may have taken on the identity of being needless and completely independent.
And for a woman who attracts men who are controlling or abusive it could be that they are not in touch with their own strength. By having these inner doubts, they keep attracting men who come across as the opposite of how they feel on the inside.
If they keep attracting men who are unavailable, it could reflect their own deep seated fear of intimacy. Because even though they consciously want to experience intimacy, at a deeper level it could make them feel smothered or overwhelmed.
It Is Safe
But even though one may be fed up of attracting people who are like this, to the mind, it is what is familiar and therefore what is safe. So unless these associations are changed, the same types of people will show up in one’s life.
In order for one to attract someone who is easier to understand, one will need to let go of what is causing conflict within. This can include: the minds ideas, thoughts and beliefs; the body’s emotions, feelings and sensations and at the bottom of it all will be the ego minds associations of what is familiar and therefore safe.
This can be done through the assistance of a therapist, healer or some kind of coach. It could also take place through reading about this area and applying what has been learn; there are endless options out there.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.