Relationships: Is It Naive For Someone To Believe That Another Person Will Change?

Even though a relationship can start off in a certain way, it doesn’t mean that it will be the same as time passes. On one hand, this can be seen as something that just happens as two people get to know each other better, and on the other hand, it can mean that one person was putting on an act.

Best Foot Forward

In this sense, the person someone made themselves out to be in the beginning of the relationship was nothing more than an act. This shows that while someone can put their best foot forward; they can also go as far as to deceive others.

The other person might not just be in for a small surprise; they could be in for a real shock. As to how long it will take until they realise what is happening can depend on a number of different factors.

One Factor

When the idea one has of the other person doesn’t match up with what they are like, it can be a challenge for them to face reality. If the other person was to act differently, they could end up overlooking what happens, or even see it as a one-off.

What this will show is how caught up they are in the idea they have formed in their mind. Through holding onto this idea, they can feel good; whereas if they were to let it go and to embrace reality, this might not be the case.

Another Aspect

Alternatively, one might notice that the other person has changed and this could then cause them to talk to them about what is happening. But even though they end up talking to the other person, it doesn’t mean they will get the answer they were looking for.

For one thing, the other could say that one is seeing things and that there is more to it than meets the eye, for instance. Upon hearing this, they could come to believe what has been said and this could cause them to ignore what is taking place within them.

The Short-Term

When another person begins to change, it might be possible for one to put up with their behaviour in the short-term. In this case, their behaviour is going to be different but it is not going to be so different that one can no longer stay with the other person.

This could be because there are still other sides to them that they value, and this will then allow the relationship to continue. However, even though this could be the case in the short-term, it doesn’t mean it will be in the long-term.

A Problem

What they could overlook at one point in time could be what they are unable to overlook at another. Once they are at this point, it is not going to be possible for them to overlook what is taking place.

However, if another person’s behaviour was to completely change, it might not be possible for them to put up with their behaviour in the short-term. When this happens, it can be a sign that another person has ended up being abusive.

Dangerous

In this case, it is going to be dangerous for them to stay with the other person and it will then be important for them to walk away. If they were to stay with them, not only will it have a negative effect on their well-being; it could also mean that their physical body will also be harmed.

Therefore, the sooner they leave the other person, the sooner they will be able to put an end to what is taking place. So whether one is with someone who is abusive or not, it will be important for them to take action.

One Approach

On one hand, they could talk to the other person and end up being dismissed or told that they are getting worked up for no reason, and on the other hand, they could end up hearing the complete opposite. When this happens, they may say that they will change their behaviour.

Through hearing this, one could then come to believe what they hear and they could believe that will only be a matter of time before they do. Before long, they may start to see that the other person was actually telling the truth.

The Same Old Story

At the same time, the other person could say they will change and as time passes, one could find that they are still the same. If they were to tell them that they have had enough and/or that they are going to leave, for instance, they may be told that they need more time or that this time it will be different.

In the beginning, it can be easy for one to believe what they hear, but as time passes, they will start to see that the other person’s behaviour doesn’t match up with the words that come out of their mouth. So if they were to go along with what they hear and to deny what they see, they will be setting themselves up to suffer unnecessarily.

Resistance

They may find that they are able to walk away but at the same time, they may find that part of them doesn’t want to leave the other person. This part of them could believe that they will change if they are given enough time.

If this happens, one is not going to working with themselves; they are going to be working against themselves. It is then going to be important for them to let go of their need to delude themselves and to face reality.

Awareness

When it comes to their mental, emotional and physical health, it will be in their best interest to leave the other person. This is not to say that one has to do this by themselves though, as they can be assisted by therapist and/or a support group.
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Through their help, one can gradually begin to face reality and during this time, they may find that they are carrying pain from the past that needs to be processed. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/