At the start of a relationship, one may find that their partner is fairly or even extremely responsive. What this means is that this person will listen to what they have to say, stop doing certain things if they have negative effect on them, and be open to feedback, amongst other things.
In other words, one will feel seen and heard by this person, and they will know that they exist when they are around them. Along with this, one will most likely behave in the same way when they are around this person.
An Affirming Experience
Being around someone like this is going to have a positive one ones mental and emotional health. There will be how they feel when they are in their presence and there will be how they feel when they are not.
If they were to think about this person, they could think about how perfect they are and even how grateful they are that they have met someone like this. What this may show is that they have only been with them for a short period of time.
An Uplifting Effect
When they are not with this person, they could spend a lot of time thinking about them and going over the positive feelings that they have experienced with them. While this may mean that they are not as present as they usually are, their energy can be far better than it usually is.
As a result of this, their friends, family and colleagues will know that something in their life has changed. They will probably know this anyway, but even if they were not aware of the fact that one is in a relationship, their general demeanour would more or less make this clear.
A Harmonious Flow
If one was to compare their relationship to something else, they might compare it to dancing. The reason for this is that, like a two people that dance together, both one and their partner will work together.
In a dance, one person will move their body and the other person will move their body shortly after; whereas when it comes to their relationship, one of them will speak and the other will listen, for instance. One and their partner are then going to be working together, as opposed to working against each other.
As their relationship progresses, both of them may find that it is a lot harder for them to be this way. However, thanks to their fondness for each other and their commitment to their own growth, they may do what they can to make sure that they don’t switch off.
This may mean that one or both of them will need to learn more about relationships or that one of both of them will need to work with a therapist/healer. Ultimately, they will do what it takes to stay present and to be there for each other.
Now, while this is what will take place in some relationships, there are going to be others where something very different occurs. Here, someone may find that their partner becomes less responsive as time goes by.
In the beginning, then, they may have been fairly or even extremely responsive, but as time has passed this will have changed. It could be as if they are with a completely different person.
So while they will have felt seen and heard during the start of their relationship, they won’t feel this way now. When they are with their partner, they may have moments when they wonder if they even exist.
The reason for this is that it may seem as though their partner is not really there anymore. One could bring this up and talk about things that are bothering them, only to find that their partner is not listening or interested in what they have to say.
Or, even if there are moments when they pay attention to what one has to say, it doesn’t mean that anything will happen. Their partner could continue to behave in the same way as before.
After experiencing this for a little while, one may end up shutting down. They will then have gone from being full of energy and feeling alive at one point, to having no energy and feeling dead at another.
One will then still be in a relationship with this person, but like them, they will have checked out. Physically they will be there but they won’t be there emotionally, and this will have most likely taken place to protect them.
Being in tune with how they feel around someone like this will be painful, so shutting down will be a way for them to minimize the amount of pain that they experience. The trouble is that while this may stop them from experiencing painful feelings, it will also stop them from experiencing pleasurable feelings.
No Way to Live
It will be as if one is trying to dance with someone who doesn’t want to move and this will have stopped them from trying to move. Their energy will have changed and it will be vital for them to do something about this.
If their partner is not willing to communicate or to change their behaviour, they may need to cut their ties with them. The truth is that they don’t deserve to experience life in this way.
If they are in a very low place and have lost touch with their inner strength, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
And if one finds that this is not the first time that this has taken place, there is a chance that they have a lot of inner wounds to heal. Perhaps their early years were a time when they also felt indivisible and had to shut down to survive.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.