When one meets someone for the first time, they might not know anything about them. However, once they have spent a little while in their company, they will start to construct an inner model of what they are like.
This inner model is then going to define how they interpret just about everything that this person does; it will be as though they are wearing special glasses. Said another way, the kind of relationship that they have with them is going to have more to do with what is going on inside their own head than it will with what this person is actually like.
And how one perceives another person’s behaviour is going to have a lot do with what is going on within them. What another person does is then not going to be anywhere near as important as how one interprets their behaviour.
It is then going to be as though someone will say one word and one’s mind will make it into a sentence. Without realising it, one will project what is going on within them onto the other person.
As Time Passes
Now, one could find that they have a close bond with this person, or they might not be interested in having them in their life. If they do want to have them in their life, it can show that this person is happy to play along with the inner model that they have created for them.
This doesn’t mean that this person will understand what is going on, though, so both of them are going to be playing the same game. The other person will have formed an inner model of them and one will also be happy to play along with it.
For as long as each person has the same view of the other and they don’t change their behaviour, there will be not reason for their relationship to end. If one person changes their behaviour, it could have an effect on how the other person perceives them.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that it will have a negative effect on their relationship. For example, one person could start to behave in a more assertive and the other might not be fazed by this.
A Minor Change
One person’s view of themselves will have changed and the other person’s view of them will also have changed. Yet, as it wasn’t something that the other person had an issue with, their relationship can carry on as before.
If one person was to go through a big transformation and their behaviour was to change as a result, this might not take place. Instead, the other person might experience resistance, thereby causing them to behave in one of two ways.
If this is too much for them to handle, it could cause them to cut their ties with them, and it could be said that this will be the best option. One won’t have to have someone in their life who wants to hold them back when this happens.
When this doesn’t take place, the other person could try to make the other behave how they used to. It can then be a challenge for them to continue to behave in the same way.
It would be easy to say that the other person is going out of their way to hold one back, but it is unlikely to be this black and white. There is the chance that they are not even aware of what they are doing.
They are going want one to revert to how they behaved before as this will be what feels comfortable. If they were able to become aware of what is going on, it might allow them to change their behaviour.
Conversely, they could come to the conclusion that it is time for both of them to go their separate ways. This will stop them from tying to hold the other person back and it will allow them to develop a new relationship.
What is clear is that when one has changed and there is another person is their life who is not able to accept this, it is going to be essential for them to put their own need first. This comes down to the fact that they are not here to please other people.
It might be hard for them to do this is the short-term, but it will pay off as time goes by. If they feel bad about doing this, it might be a good idea for them to ask themselves if they would want another person to comprise themselves for them.
Through paying attention to their needs and fulfilling them when it is possible, their life will be far more fulfilling than it would be if the opposite took place. Living in this way takes inner strength; it is far easier for someone to play a role that other people have provided for them.
Taking all this into account, it shows how it is the people who one is closest to that have the biggest effect on their life. It can be easy to believe that it is the people on the outside who have the most control, but this is not always the case.
If one feels held back by the people in their life and finds it hard to assert themselves, they might need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.