Relationships: Is Someone More Likely To End Up In An Abusive Relationship When They Are Emotionally Dependent?
There are a number of reasons as to why someone would want to have a relationship, and they might be aware of what all of these reasons are. If they are, it will give them the chance to see if they are being driven by the right needs.
One could find that they are at the stage of their life when they want to settle down and to start a family. What this will then show is that they have a number of good reasons to have a relationship.
This could be something that one has wanted for a number of months, or it could have been on their mind for a few years. And as they know what they are looking for, it is likely to mean that they won’t just settle for anyone.
The Right Person
If they don’t have clear idea about the kind of person who they want to be with, they might have a clear idea of the kind of person who they don’t want to be with. The reason for this is that they may have been with a number of people who were not right for them.
Therefore, their past experiences will have given them the ability to realise when someone is not a good match for them. Still, this is not to say that they just came to a point in their life when they were no longer attracted to a certain type of person.
If this is what has happened, it will show that one was able to learn from their experiences and to move on. Alternatively, they may have looked into what was taking place within them and dealt with their issues.
What this comes down to is that one doesn’t just randomly end up with another person; there are a number of factors that are involved. So, when one is in the right place internally, it is going to be a lot easier for them to find the right person to be with.
When one’s inner world is not all over the place, so to speak, they will have the ability to think clearly. Yet, if their emotions were out of control, it would be a lot harder for them to do so.
But even if one wasn’t looking to start a family and they just wanted to have a relationship, it is not going to be any different. The fact that they are mentally and emotionally stable is going to give them a better chance of finding someone who is right for them.
One Step at a Time
Through being this way, one won’t feel the need to rush into a relationship even if they do like someone. One can then get to know someone and to make sure that they are who they say they are.
And if they continue to get on as time goes by, there will be no need for them to hold back. Now, there is no guarantee that this approach will allow them to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship, but it will certainly increase their chances.
A Completely Different Experience
However, while someone could be aware of why they want to be in a relationship, they could also be out of touch with the reasons why they want to be in one. When this happens, one could say that they just want to be with someone.
Even so, if they were to take a deeper look within themselves, they may find that this is not the complete truth. On one level, they will have the need to be with someone, but at another level, it could be because they find it hard to handle their own emotions.
It would then be more accurate for one to say that it is not that they want to be in a relationship; it is that they need to be in one. As if they are not with another person, it is going to be a challenge for them to handle life.
One is going to look like an adult, buy they will feel more like a dependent child. Consequently, they may have the tendency to end up with who whoever shows them affection, and this is may have caused them to experience a lot of pain.
There is always the chance that they have only been with people who treated them with respect. These people will have realised that one was needy, but they won’t have taken advantage of them.
On the other hand, one may have only been with people who have treated them badly. As one depended on them emotionally, they would have known that it was highly unlikely that one would ever leave them.
Having said that, one may have only been in one relationship, and this might have been someone who was extremely abusive. One has then been able to cut their ties with this person, but they are no different to how they were before they met them.
It might only be a matter of time before they end up with someone who is just the same as the last person. What one could also find is that in addition to the fact that they are unable to handle their own emotions, they don’t value themselves either.
When one is unable to do this and they don’t value themselves, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
The care that they needed wouldn’t have been there, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.