While some people take the time to be there for themselves and to be there for others, there are others who don’t. If someone can relate to the former, they are not going to have the tendency to neglect themselves; whereas if they can relate to the latter, this will be the norm.
The trouble is that when someone is focused on other people’s needs, they can believe that there are only have two options. Either they focus on themselves or they focus on others, and focusing on themselves is going to be seen as being selfish.
Focusing on others, on the other hand, is likely to be seen as being selfless. So, as they believe that they only have two choices, it is not surprising that they behave in this manner.
An Unconscious Choice
At the same time, this doesn’t mean that this is something that they will think about all the time. In fact, one might not even reflect on how they are behaving; this will then be something that just happens.
Being there for others is going to be who they are and there is a strong chance that this kind of behaviour will allow them to receive a lot of positive feedback. Through receiving this feedback, it can make it easier for them to keep their true feelings at bay.
Now and Then
At the end of the day, no matter how much positive feedback they receive, it is not going to change the fact that they are ignore themselves. Due to this, there can be moments when one will feel frustrated and angry, and they might even feel depressed from time to time.
The ‘negative’ emotions that they experience through not fulfilling their own needs will have been internalised, with this being the reason why they will feel down or flat, for instance. But, unless they take a deeper look and change their behaviour, they are not going to be able to do anything about this.
Business as Usual
But while this would be the ideal, they are more like to carry on as normal. There will soon find someone else who needs to be saved or rescued, thereby allowing them to run away from how they feel.
What is also going to make it harder for them to change is that this kind of behaviour is so common in today’s world. A lot of relationships, for instance, are made up of someone who needs to be saved and someone who is there to save them.
Part of Life
It can then seem as though some people on this planet are empowered, while others are not. This would be an accurate assessment, yet the people who are truly empowered are not going to be rescuing others.
What this comes down is that people are empowered through being given the guidance that they need to stand on their own two feet, not through having someone else do everything for them. The only thing that this will do is stop them from being able to go from a dependent to an interdependent human being.
A Dysfunctional Dynamic
Therefore, whether one is in a relationship with someone who needs to be rescued and/or they are trying to rescue other people, they are likely to be doing more harm than good. Taking this into account, it can be hard to understand why they would continue to behave in this way if they are stopping these people from being able to take control of their own life.
If one was to take step back and to look into why they behave in this manner, they may find that this is a way for them to indirectly fulfil their own needs. One is then going to feel ashamed of their own needs, with this being the reason why they can’t fulfil them directly.
The Defining Moment
Having needs is just part of being human; it is not something that anyone on this planet should be ashamed of. Ergo, if someone does feel uncomfortable with their own needs, it is likely to show that there was a time in their life when they were not allowed to have needs.
Perhaps they were brought up by a caregiver who used them to fulfil their own needs, instead of giving them what they needed in order to grow and develop. One would then have had to take on the role of the parent and to give up their role as the child.
Out of Balance
Through taking on this role, it would have meant that their purpose was to give and not to receive. Having this role may also have caused them to believe that they need to look strong, to be in control and to believe that their value is based on what they do.
The role that they had to play during this time in their life to survive will be the role that they now play in their adult life. Their true-self will have been covered up and in its place will be a false-self.
If their mask was to drop, one might end up getting in touch with a lot of pain, and this pain can come from the wounded child that is within them. This part of them will tell them everything they need to know about what happened to them as a child.
Even though the years will have passed since that time in their life, it can be as if it only happened yesterday. This is because this pain won’t have disappeared; it will be waiting to be acknowledged.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.