There are people who like to take their time when it comes to the beginning of a relationship, and then there are others who go in head first. And based on how they behave, it is safe to say that they are both having a different inner experience.
However, just because one may have a pattern of behaving in a certain way, it doesn’t mean that they will always behave in the same way. It could all depend on how they feel internally and on the effect the other person has on them.
It is said that the best way to find out how someone will behave in the future is to look at how they have behaved in the past. This is because human beings are creatures of habit and tend to do the same things over and over again.
There is also the chance that someone will change and do something else, but they might not. If one is doing something that is having a positive impact on their life then there would be no reason for them to change.
The problems will arise when they end up doing something over and over again that is not having a positive impact on their life. So instead of one being able to move forward, they end up going backwards.
If one takes their time when they meet someone, they might say that this is the best approach as it allows them to see what the other person is like. One could say that a company wouldn’t just hire another person without finding out about them first.
This could be classed as the logical approach and one that may lead to the best outcome. Their body may want things to progress a lot faster and their heart might feel drawn to the other person, but they are able to delay gratification.
When one doesn’t take their time, it could be said they ignore their head or that they just trust their intuition. It then like hiring someone based on how one feels about the other person and not because of their credentials.
To some people, this approach is going to be seen as being illogical and the one that is likely to lead to the worst outcome. They are being guided by their body and their heart, and it is not possible for them to delay gratification.
Black And White
However, whether this relates to someone’s personal relationships or to someone who employers others, there are going to examples that support both outlooks. There are going to be people who go with how they feel and end up with people who are perfect for them.
Just as there will be people who hire people based on how they feel and they end up with the ideal employee. It is then not about one approach being better than the other; as they will both have a time and a place.
Is It Working?
If one is getting attached too soon and ends up with the wrong kind of people and gets hurt, it is then going to be important for them to try another approach. To get attached straight away might be what feels right and if this is the case, it is going to a challenge for them to do something else.
While one’s feelings can be an expression of their intuition, they can also be the result of emotional pain that they have not processed. So as one heals their pain, their intuition is likely to improve.
Based on how one feels when they meet someone, it might not matter whether the other person is right for them or not. The fact that they are there could be enough for one to get attached to them.
Their friends may even warm them and say the other person is not right for them and one may see the signs themselves. But their feelings take over and it doesn’t matter what is taking place in their head or what others say.
This may be how one has behaved for many years and they might not be able to see that there is another way, and that their mind can work with their body. As one ends up being attached to others so soon, it would be easy to say this is because of the effect other people have on them, but this is not the complete truth.
It also comes down to what is taking place within them and how this is behind their need to merge with other people. If it was only about what takes place externally, then one wouldn’t be able to do anything about what is happening.
One is likely to have a fear of being abandoned and through becoming attached to another person; it allows them to regulate how they feel. They are going to believe that if they attach to them, they won’t be left.
But their behaviour could have the opposite effect and end up pushing other person away. The reason they feel as they do is likely to be the result of what happened during their childhood.
This is likely to have been a time where one’s caregiver/s was emotionally and physically unavailable. To be left during these early years would have felt like death and this is because one wouldn’t have had the ability to regulate their emotions.
And as they were left during these years, there is also the chance they ended being smothered. This could be described as a natural consequence of having a caregiver that was out of touch with their needs.
So while one may get attached to others too soon due to the fear of being abandoned, they might also end the relationship because they end up feeling smothered. One’s childhood is long behind them, but the emotional experiences of the past have remained within them.
The assistance of a therapist or a healer will enable one to face and release their trapped emotions.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.