Relationships: Should Someone Find Out About Another Person's History Before They Start A Relationship With Them?
If one has the desire to be in a relationship, they could end up going out and/or they could join an online dating site. They could be clear about the kind of person they are looking for, or this could be something that they are not too clear about.
In this case, they could believe that they will just know when they meet the right person. This could be how they have always been, or they may have decided to try something different for once.
A Big Factor
If one does have a clear idea when it comes to who they want to be with, they may have the need to be with someone who looks good. This could be right at the top of their list, and not something they will want to overlook.
And, if they were to come into contact with someone who looked the part, they could end up forgetting about everything else. What this will then show is that it is not going to be possible for them to think straight.
Even so, this is not to say that this is the only reason one would lose the ability to function as they usually do. What this will come down to is that one could feel different through having the other person in their life.
There is then not only going to be the effect this will have on their body, there will also be the effect it has on their heart. It is then going to be challenge for them to take a step back and to realise if the other person is a good match.
The fact they feel good when they are around the other person and when they think about them could be the only thing that matters. Their emotional self will then have taken over, and their ability to think will have been put to one side.
Now, there is the chance that they are with the right person, and it is then not going to matter that they are caught up with how they feel. As time passes, they will gradually begin to settle down.
However, what they could also find is that they are with someone who isn’t right for them, and they could wonder what is going on. One could come to believe that the other person has changed.
It can then be as if the dust has settled and, due to this, it has allowed them to see what is actually taking place. When their emotions were running the show, so to speak, this wasn’t an option.
But although it could be said that the other person has changed, this might not be the complete truth. Instead, what it could come down to is that they have just revealed their true colours.
This can be put down to human nature, and something that most people do when they meet someone for the first time. There is a strong chance that one also behaved in a similar manner.
In the future, it might be a good idea for them to do something else and not to allow themselves to get too caught up. As even though they feel good when they meet someone, it doesn’t mean that this is a positive sign.
If something like this has happened before, they could find that the people who are not right for them cause them to feel good in the beginning. This experience is going to be short lived, and they will end up having a completely different emotional experience.
When it comes to finding the right person to be with, they could also look into what kind of relationship someone has with their caregivers. Through doing this, it can give them the opportunity to see what their childhood was like and if there is any conflict that exists between them.
For example, if one of their caregivers was to press their buttons, there is the chance that this baggage could be brought into the relationship at some point. Or, if their caregivers are no longer to together, it could show that they won’t have a healthy inner model when it comes to relationships.
The Other Side
Nevertheless, if their caregivers are still together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this is a good sign. This could be a relationship that is abusive, and this could then have caused them to believe that this is how relationships work.
If someone was to talk about the people they have been with, this can also provide a lot of valuable information. These people could be seen as being the problem, but there will have been one person who took part in each relationship.
Black And White
It would then be easy to say that what took place in someone’s past will define how they will behave in the present. Clearly, this is not something that can be overlooked, but at the same time, there can be more to it.
If someone grew up in a dysfunctional family and they have been working through what took place, they will be redefining themselves. This will then stop them from recreating the same experiences all over again.
What also needs to be emphasised here is that if one continues to end up with people who have the same issues, it will be vital for them to look into what is taking place within them. If one was just an observer of their reality, there would be no reason for them to get in touch with their inner world.
The people they attract are going to mirror back what is taking place within them at some level. When one is completely out of touch with themselves and lacks self-awareness, this can be hard to comprehend.
If one doesn’t attract the right people and they want this to change, they may need to work with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.