When something works, there is generally going to be no reason for someone to take a closer look at it. One example of this is that when one has a car that works, they won’t need to take a look under the bonnet, for instance.
Yet, this would change if their car was to no longer run as it used to, and it would then be necessary for them to head down to a garage. Or, if they can’t start their car, they may need to have it picked up.
Similarity, if one’s relationships are going fine, there is going to be no reason for them to look for information on how to improve them. The connections that they have with others are going to be fulfilling, and this will allow them to use their energy in other ways.
But if this wasn’t the case, it would essential for them to take a step back from their life and to look for answers. As if they were to carry on doing the same thing, their life is unlikely to improve.
In fact, there is a strong chance that it would end up getting even worse, and this could cause them to think about what their life would be like if they had taken action. There can then be the pain they are experiencing from having unfulfilling relationships, and the additional pain that is created trough not taking the time to do anything about it.
Still, if one has this experience, it can show that they believe they have the ability to do something about what is taking place. The alternative might be for them to see themselves as being a victim, and this will mean that they won’t believe there is anything they can do about their circumstances.
When one is able to look for guidance as soon as they realise there is a problem, it will stop them from having to go through all this. This will show that one doesn’t feel helpless, and that they believe they have what is takes to change their life.
It could be said that this shows that while it is the norm for people to do something about their car if it is not working, the same can’t be said for relationships. Instead, it can be normal for them to tolerate what is taking place.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this is due to the kind of conditioning that people receive throughout their life. As while the average person is unlikely to believe that they should put up with a car that doesn’t work, the same can’t be said when it comes to relationships that don’t work.
Regardless of what someone’s relationships are like, they can simply accept what is taking place. Or, if this is not the case, it could be something that they just go along with.
Part of Life
What this can come down to is no matter what one’s relationships are like; they can be in position where they have adjusted to them. This can be due to the amount of time that they have experienced life in this way.
And when it comes to what one’s relationships are like, it is highly likely that their childhood had a big effect. As a result of this, there is the chance that their relationships have been this way for a number of years.
Now, if one’s relationship are fulfilling, it won’t matter if they have become accustomed to experiencing life in this way. This part of their life can be extremely rewarding, and they won’t want this to change.
But if one’s relationships are not fulfilling and this is what feels comfortable, it will be important for this to change. This part of their life is likely to have a negative effect on their rest of their life, and they will need to do whatever they can to change it.
The trouble with having relationship that are not very fulfilling, is that this is what can feel comfortable. On one level, one can have the desire to change their life, but on a deeper level, another part of them can have the desire for it to stay the same.
This inner resistance can then stop them from taking action, and one can then feel as though something within them is holding them back. Nevertheless, embracing this inner conflict will be far better than simply putting up with relationships that are not fulfilling.
The Next Step
Once they are able to acknowledge what is taking place within them, it will give them the chance to do something about it. In the short-term this is likely to be painful, but it will save them a lot of pain in the long-term.
As for what one needs to do to improve their relationships, it can all depend on what they are like. If, for example, they have the tendency to end up with people who they are not attracted to, it could be a sign that they need to work on their self-esteem.
Through changing how they see themselves, it could only be a matter of time before they are able to meet someone who they actually want to be with. On the other hand, if one is used to being with people who are abusive, it might not be this simple.
It might be hard for them to comprehend why they would end up with people who are like this. Even so, this may begin to change if they were to take the time to reflect on their early years.
During their formative years, they may have been brought up by someone who abused them in some way. And while being treated in this way it would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, it would have ended up being what feels comfortable.
The years would then have passed and even though what took place is in the past, it is still defining their life. Looking into the past can then allow them to become aware of why their life is the way it is.
The next step will be for them to get the right assistance, and this is something that can be provided by a therapist. This can be a time where they will need to look into what is taking place in their mind and their body.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.