Relationships: Should Someone Look Into What Is Taking Place Within Them If They Attract People Who Are Unavailable?
While one could be in a fulfilling relationship with someone, there is also the chance that this is not the case. This could come down to the fact that they don’t want to be in one, and this might be a sign that they have just broken up with someone.
If this is the case, they might want to take the time to get over the person they were with. Perhaps this was a relationship that lasted a long time, and this could then mean that they are not ready to get back out there.
The Sensible Approach
The alternative might be for one to jump straight into another relationship, and this might stop them from having to face how they feel. As a result of this, this could be seen as being the easiest option.
But while this may allow them to keep their feelings at bay, it could set them up to suffer in another way. Out of their desire to avoid how they feel, they could end up with someone who is not right for them.
Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
In the short-term, they might feel better, but as time passes, they will have to deal with another problem. Now, this could mean that they are with someone who is abusive, or they might not be compatible.
On the other hand, if one stayed single and worked through their pain, they would soon be back on their feet, so to speak. Yet through being with someone like this, they will have to put an end to the relationship they are in before they can do this.
At the same time, there is always the chance that one could meet someone who is right for them. And, through being with someone like this, it could make it easier for them to work through what is taking place within them.
This is because the other person is going to provide support, and this will stop them from having to work on this by themselves. What this shows is that this is not something that is black and white.
If this is not the reason why one is single, it could also come down to the kind of people they continue to attract into their life. This area of their life could be something that fills them with frustration, and it could be as if they have no control over what happens.
And, as this is an area of their life that they won’t be able to simply ignore, it is going to be normal for them to be this way. What one could find is that they attract people who treat them badly.
One is then going to have the need to be with someone, but when they try to fulfil this need they are going to end up being harmed. If this had only happened once, it might be possible for them move on shortly after.
As this has happened on more than one occasion, this is not going to be something that they can do. It could be seen as just how their life is, and they could believe that there is nothing they can do about it.
When one experiences life in this way, it can show that they don’t value themselves, and this is then why they attract (or are attracted to) people like this. Once their self-image changes, it might allow them to finally attract someone who will value them.
What this can then show is that when one changes their inner world, their outer world will follow suit. This doesn’t mean that one will have to do this by themselves though, as there is plenty of support available.
A Different Problem
However, one could be in a position where it is not that they attract people who treat them badly; it is that they attract people who are not available. Therefore, one is not going to be used to feeling violated, but they might be used to feeling frustrated.
Even so, this is not to say that these people will come across in this way when they meet them. Instead, they could create the impression that they are ready to settle down, and each time, one could believe that they have finally met the right person.
Same Old Story
Time will then pass and one will gradually begin to see that this person is no different to the people they have been with before. Or, even if they meet someone and they come across as different, one might still have their doubts.
Through having these kinds of experiences, one could believe that there is nothing they can do to change their circumstances. And that the only way their life will change is if they attract someone who is available.
If one was just an observer of their reality and they had no effect on what took place, there is going to be nothing that they can do. Fortunately, one is not just an observer of their reality; they are co-creators.
Thus, if one has the tendency to attract people who are not available, it will be vital for them to look into what is taking place within them. At a deeper level, this could show that one doesn’t feel comfortable with intimacy.
On the surface, this is what they say they want, but until this is what feels comfortable at a deeper level, it is not going to take place. The reason they feel this way can be the result of what took place during their early years.
At this time, one may have had a caregiver who didn’t respect their boundaries, and this would then have caused them to feel overwhelmed and engulfed. Getting close to someone would have come to be seen as something that will cause them to lose themselves.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to look into what took place and to deal with what is taking place within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.