If one’s relationship has just come to an end, they could feel relieved and happy that they can now move on with their life. Maybe, this was a relationship that was no longer working, meaning that it had run its course.
For a number of weeks, they might have thought about how they no longer wanted to be with this person. When they were together, their body would have been with them, but their mind would have been somewhere else.
They would have no longer have felt the same in their heart, and this might have been something that they battled with for a while. In other words, they may have had moments when they believed that they would soon return to how they felt before.
Due to this, a friend or a family member could find it hard to get their head around what has just happened. It would have been as if they were getting on fine at one point and, at another, everything fell apart.
Nevertheless, if they were to find out what is was like for them when they were in the relationship, it would soon become clear that it wasn’t as it seemed. Having said this, the people in their life might be only too aware of what was going on behind the scenes, so to speak.
Some of these people might have tried to persuade them to walk away sooner, or they might have just been there to listen whenever they needed their support. One might have told them throughout this time that they wanted to make it work.
Yet for whatever reason, this just didn’t happen, and now one can completely focus on the rest of their life. One might not want to find someone else to be with, or they could feel the need to find a new partner.
A New Beginning
What is likely to be the last thing on their mind is going back with their ex; this is just not going to interest them. The relationship that they had will have fizzled out, so there is going to be no reason for this to take place.
This is something that is going to be even more relevant if one has just been in an abusive relationship. In this case, one will have been with someone who didn’t treat them very well.
The Only Option
It was then not that one simply left their ex because it ‘didn’t work out’; it was due to the fact that it wasn’t safe for them to be with them. Being with this person would have undermined them.
Cutting their ties and walking away from them could then have been a matter of life and death. This would have taken a lot of strength, and now it will be vital for them to gradually build themselves up.
If one was in a relationship that wasn’t abusive, they might have some grieving to do and it could take them a while to reconnect to their true-self. One could even have been in a relationship that they didn’t want to end, which could mean that they will have a lot of emotional pain to work though.
On the other hand, if one was in an abusive relationship, they might have a lot of work to do on themselves. Mentally and emotionally, one would have been worn down by their ex, so it could take a while for them to rise once again.
One could look back on their life and see that this is not the first time they have been in a relationship like this. There is the chance that they have only been with people who have treated them badly.
Taking a break or simply ‘thinking positive’ and changing their behaviour is unlikely to cut it; they might need to look into what is going on within them at a deeper level. There could be the beliefs that they to change and they could be carrying trauma.
While there will be people who do move on from a relationship that was no longer working, there are going to be others who don’t. It is then not going to matter if it was working or if it was abusive, for instance, as they will feel the need to go back to their ex.
Now, if one was in a relationship that wasn’t working, there is always the chance that they could make it work. Even so, it might be a good idea for them to look into why they want to get back with their ex.
The dust might have settled, and this could have given one the opportunity to see that they overreacted at times and didn’t realise what they had. Alternatively, one may feel lonely and sad.
What this will show is that one wants to get back their ex to avoid how they feel. Getting back with their ex would then be a short-term solution, and it wouldn’t be long until they feel the need to leave them.
A Stronger Reaction
One is then going to be in a highly emotional state, making it harder for them to think clearly. But if one feels the need to go back to an abusive relationship, there is going to absolutely no reason for them to get back with their ex.
Here, one could be experiencing a lot fear, anxiety and panic, and they could feel abandoned, rejected and as though their life is at risk. It is then not that they have taken the time to think things through or that they truly want to be with their ex; it is that they feel as though they need to be with them to survive.
One is likely to be carrying a lot of trauma within them, and it will be imperative for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
When one experiences life in this way, it could show that they were abused during their early years. Being in an abusive relationship will be that feels comfortable, and this will need to change for their life to change.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.