Relationships can be fulfilling or unfulfilling and they also have the potential to create incredible satisfaction or immense frustration. There will be people who one can connect with without too many challenges appearing and others who cause one to question the human race.
But regardless of what happens, relationships are a vital part of life and therefore can’t be avoided. The challenges can result in growth and enhance ones appreciation of relationships.
In the today’s world, relationships are often viewed from a place of separation and disconnection. So here, one is seen as an observer and someone who is simply experiencing other people in their life.
Here, it is a case of one being either lucky or unlucky in who they attract or end up with; so it’s all random. If one ends up with someone they connect with or friends who value them, then they can feel lucky.
And if they end up with someone who is abusive or have friends who are a miss match, then its case of being unlucky.
If someone attracts people into their life who are generally a good match, it won’t be a problem to see life this way. But for someone who attracts people, who are abusive, it is likely to lead to the feeling of being a victim, powerless and that one has no control.
One is either lucky when it comes to relationships and one is unlucky. People, who are lucky, may be seen as possessing something that unlucky people do not have. And the mind may come up with all kinds of stories in order to fill in the gaps.
This will create different stories for different people. For a man, it may be that all women are: needy, aloof or emotional train wrecks. And for a woman, it may be that all men are: needy, distant or emotionally dead. Or it could relate to abuse and that the opposite sex can’t be trusted or relied upon.
Although the appearance of each person that one attracts changes, the same scenario seems to appear over and over again.
Attracting these types of people is challenging enough, but it is often compounded by the outlook that one is simple unlucky or is being victimized or punished in some way.
So what can one do based on this outlook? Do they give up and avoid people, do they put up with people who are not right or do they just live in hope that it will change?
However, while one may be the observer of what is taking place, they are also the co creator of what is taking place. If one is attracting people who are unsuitable it can be a burden, but if one is partly responsible for attracting them, then the negatives can be balanced with the positives.
As challenging as it may be, if one has a choice in the matter, then there is hope and the opportunity to attract people who are suitable.
The Unconscious Mind
We have a conscious mind and an unconscious mind. The real power and influence is within the unconscious mind. Consciously, one may desire or want something and yet if this does not match what one wants at a deeper level, it will be overridden by the unconscious.
This, in and of itself, is not a problem. A bit like removing a weed in a garden; it is clear that what sustains the weed is under ground and not above ground. So this means that one will have to dig deeper to remove it. One could try and cut the top of, but this would be ridiculous because it will simply grow back.
And the same approach is needed when it comes to changing who one attracts and is attracted to. The common problem is that there is general unawareness in the modern day world, when it comes to the power and the influence of the unconscious.
The Forgotten Parts
The unconscious contains all that one hasn’t wanted to face. This can include ones childhood and adult years. And although one may have completely forgotten about some of these things, they are still having an effect on their life.
So, painful feelings, emotions and memories will have been trapped in this hidden part of one’s mind and body. These will then show up in the relationships that one has.
There are numerous ways in which this can appear, but let’s take a look at some of the common ones -
Anger: perhaps one is constantly attracting people who are angry or have anger problems. This could be triggering one’s own repressed anger. And the reason it is repressed is due to one not feeling safe to be angry. So one avoids it and then experiences extreme anger in other people.
Intimacy: here one may constantly attract people who are unavailable or have commitment issues. And at a deeper level, one may fear intimacy, but through being unaware of this, they end up attracting people who fear it.
Boundaries: one may end up attracting people who are controlling or overbearing. And this could come down to their fear of standing up for themselves.
In the beginning these would have been inner occurrences, but through years of repression, they have become outer challenges. It can then be normal to blame others or to try and change them. However, this is unlikely to lead to long term solutions or to real growth.
What’s going on at a personal level is what needs to be looked at and released. This process can be assisted through a therapist, healer or a coach or through some kind of self inquiry.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.