When someone is in relationship, they will have the opportunity to grow and to heal any wounds that they may have. This can mean that there will be moments that are deeply fulfilling and moments that are extremely painful pain.
What will play a big part here is how much pain one is carrying. If they have a lot of baggage, they could be used to experiencing more downs than ups in their relationship.
However, even if one is carrying a lot of baggage, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Instead, they could believe that the other person is causing them to feel the way they do, believing that they are to blame.
If they have this outlook, it is not going to be possible for them to take responsibility for their own pain. The other person could put up with this, thereby causing them to be weighed down by issues that don’t belong to them.
The Defining Factor
What this will show is that they lack self-awareness, with this being the reason why they can’t own their own issues. The reason why the other person goes along with this could be because this is what feels comfortable.
Perhaps they grew up in an environment where their caregiver didn’t take responsibility either, causing them to have a false sense of responsibility and to lack boundaries. This then stops them from standing their ground.
The energy that one person uses to blame the other could aid their own development, as opposed to being wasted in this manner. This is then going to be a relationship that will drain both of them.
Before long, one of them could decide that enough is enough and walk away, and this could be the person who doesn’t want to work through their issues. They could soon find someone else and the same thing could happen all over again.
Conversely, one could be in a position where one issue is making it hard for them to relax around their partner, and this could cold be something that consumes their attention when they are apart. One may believe that their partner is cheating on them and this could cause them experience a lot of pain.
They could talk to their partner, or they could end up talking to their friends about what is going on for them. If they speak directly to their partner, it might allow them to allay their fears but if they speak to their fiends, it could make things worse.
Alternatively, one could take a step back and reflect on what is taking place internally and externally. This will give them the chance to see if there is anything to what they believe or if they are just overreacting.
During this time, they may find that something from their past has been triggered. Maybe they feel worthless and have a fear of being abandoned, which is why they have come to believe that their partner is straying.
The Past is Present
At the beginning of their life, they may have been neglected by their caregivers, and this would have caused them to believe that they were worthless. The years would then have passed, but they will still fear that they will be left.
Through being egocentric at this age, they would have believed that they were only left since they had no value. In reality, they were left due to the issues that their caregiver/s had; that’s all there is to it.
What they could then do is to find someone who can assist them, such as a therapist or a healer. Once they have worked though their pain, it will be easier for them to live in the present moment.
Yet, if they were to find that what is taking place within them is not having an effect on how they are perceiving reality, they could believe that it would be a good idea for them to speak to their partner. After talking about this with them, they could find that there is nothing for them to worry about.
At the same time, one could have clear evidence that something is going on and they could sense that something is not right, but their partner could deny it. If their partner is not willing to admit to what is taking place, they might wonder if the time has come to end the relationship.
On the other hand, they could go along with what their partner says and start to question themselves. As time goes by, they could disconnect from themselves and only pay attention to what comes out of their partner’s mouth.
Out of Touch
One will have allowed their partner to tell them what is or what isn’t taking place, and this will cause them to ignore their own feelings and instincts. Their partner is then going to have a lot of power over them.
Taking this into account, the sooner one gets back in touch with their inner world the better their life will be. The person they are with is not going to have their best interests at heart, so they will probably need to cut their ties with them.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external assistance. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or healer, and the support of their friends and family may also be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.