Relationships: What Can Happen When Someone Is No Longer Willing To Put Up With Other People's Projections?
Although some people have the tendency to take responsibility for what takes place within them, there are others who don’t. Due to this, it can be normal for someone to believe that what is taking place externally has nothing to do with what is going on internally.
It is then going to be challenge for them to see when something ‘out there’ is not the problem. Even so, it doesn’t mean that they will find it hard to attract people into their life.
When it comes to the people who are in their life, they could simply take on what one is not willing to own. This can then mean that they will believe that it belongs to them, and there will then be no reason for them to do anything about what is taking place.
Through being around people who are like this, there is going to be no reason for one to change. Their environment will give them the support that they need to carry on doing the same thing.
But if the people around them are not willing to go along with what one sees in them, it doesn’t mean that they will get very far. This is because one could dismiss or ignore what they come out with.
During the moments when they speak up about what is taking place, one could say that they are getting defensive and that this proves they are in the wrong. What this will then show is that it doesn’t matter what they say, as their interactions are unlikely to change.
Keeping the Peace
So based on what takes place when they speak up, they may prefer to go along with how things are. And while this will cause them to deny their own truth, it will stop them from having to experience unnecessary ‘drama’.
It could then be said that this will allow one to avoid pain in the shot-term, but it will set them up to suffer in the long-term. As not only will they deny their own truth, they can also end up feeling completely worthless.
How Does This Look?
When one is in a position where they are unable to own what is taking place within them, they will be convinced that what they see in others has nothing do to with them. The parts of themselves that they have disowned will then end up being projected onto others.
For example, one could feel as though they are incapable, but instead of being able to face how they feel they could end up perceiving other people in this way. Or one could say that that other people only think about themselves, when this could be how they are.
When this takes place, it is not going to be possible for them to know what someone else is like; the only thing they will see is their own reflection. Therefore, although one can believe that they know someone; this is going to be nothing more than an illusion.
What they will primarily know about another is what they have disconnected from within themselves. However, as it is too painful for them to connect to themselves, they are unlikely to realise what is taking place.
Yet if one is surrounded by people who put up with what they are not willing to take responsibility for, then there is going to be no reason for them to change. One can then continue to live on the surface of themselves, and they can believe that they are simply observing reality.
As a result of this, there is unlikely to be a lot of growth involved in their relationships, and this is because they need the people around them to carry what they are unwilling to take responsibility for. Therefore, the only way they can stop themselves from facing how they feel is to make sure the people around them play a certain role.
The people in their life can then feel trapped in their presence, but this will be what allows one to feel a sense of control. Without controlling what is taking place around then, they may have to face how they feel.
If someone who spends time with them was to get to the point where they are no longer willing to take on what doesn’t belong to them, they may be able to walk away. There is also the chance that they may need to build themselves up first.
The Time Has Come
This could then be a time where they will start to develop a sense of themselves, and this will allow them to create boundaries. Through doing this, they will be able to see where they begin and end and where other people begin and end.
This will then make it a lot easier for them to know when someone is projecting their issues onto them, and they will feel safe enough to stand their ground. And if someone tries to undermine them, they will also be able to walk away without feeling as though a though their life is under threat.
Drawing the Line
As they begin to change, it is going to mean that it will be harder for other people to project their issues onto them. There is then the chance that someone in their life will come on even stronger, and this will show that it will be in their best interest to cut their ties with them.
The reason they could come on stronger is that when one is no longer willing to carry their issues, it can be a lot harder for them to avoid themselves. It can then be vital for them to do everything they can to force one back into the role they used to play, as this will them to keep their feelings at bay.
Ultimately, it will be clear that the other person cant (or wont) take responsibility for how they feel and one will have no choice but to move on. By doing this, they will soon start to feel better about themselves.
If one has people in their life who behave in this way and they want to move on, they may need to work with a therapist. This will allow them to develop the strength that they need in order let go of people who have no place in their life.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.