If one was to take a step, so to speak, they may find is that there have been moments in their life when they haven’t feel too good about themselves. This is then going to be the exception as opposed to the rule.
Now and Then
When they do feel this way, it could show that they have done something wrong, or this could just be what they believe. Perhaps they have just spent a time with someone who didn’t treat them very well.
But even though they feel this way, this is likely to be a time when they will talk to themselves in a positive way. There is then going to be a part of them that is not in a good way and another part that is there to take care of this part.
This is then the same as what will happen when a loving mother/father sees that their child is upset. In this instance, the parent will give the child that which he/she is unable to give themselves.
At this age, the child is not going to have the ability to regulate their own emotions, and this is why an attuned parent is so important. This can then be the reason why one has the ability to soothe themselves as an adult.
Through having at least one parent around at this time who behaved in this way, it would have stopped them from being overwhelmed by their emotions as a child. This would have allowed their brain to develop in the right way.
As the years went by, it would have been easier for them to regulate their own emotions, and this is why they will feel comfortable enough to tolerate emotional discomfort as an adult. And how they talk to themselves as an adult will be similar to how their parent/s talked to them when they were younger.
So, if they have done something wrong, they can look into what they can do to put it right. There will be no need for them to beat themselves up about it and to sink even further into themselves.
If they have just spent time with someone who didn’t treat them very well, they might decide to keep their distance from now on. There will be no reason for them to spend time with someone who is not good for them.
Ultimately, one is going to be in touch with their inherent value, and this is why they experience life in this way. What will feel comfortable is spending time around people who treat them with respect.
It could be said that this is the ideal way for someone to experience life; their life will be far more fulfilling that it would be if this wasn’t the case. There are then going to be others who experience life differently.
When one experience life in this way, they could find that they have the tendency to feel bad about themselves. It is then not going to matter if they have done anything wrong, as they will feel this way anyway.
How they treat themselves is not going to be a lot different to how they are treated by other people. From the outside, it might seem as though they are being victimised by others, but it is not going to be this black and white.
If someone was to listen to what takes place in their mind and they were to see how they treat themselves, they would be in for a surprise. One is not going to be their own best friend, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be.
What this is likely to show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed when they were younger. One may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have caused them to disconnect from their inherent value, amongst other things.
A New Start
After experiencing life in this way for as long as they can remember, one may get to the point where they are no longer willing to carry on in this way. This could cause them to reach out for external support and to gradually heal themselves.
As this process takes places, one is going to find that they feel different and that they no longer talk to themselves in the same way. This will then cause them to see themselves differently.
Their inner world will have changed, and it will then be normal for them to change how they behave. This could the mean that some of their relationships will come to an end and that new connections will be formed.
One will treat themselves better and this is why they will expect other people to do the same. How they respond to negative feedback is also likely to change, and this is because it won’t penetrate them like it used to.
So if someone was to put them down or to project their own issues onto them, it could bounce straight off them; there will be nothing within them for it to latch onto. One will be able to stay in their power and there will be no reason for them to react.
It might not stop there though, as one might no longer want to carry on doing the same job, or they might expect more from what they do. Now that they feel better about themselves, it might cause them to go after something they have put off for so long.
If one doesn’t value themselves, and they want this to change, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.