When two people get together for the first time, it will give them the chance to see how they get on. This will also give them the opportunity to find out about each other, to see what their values are, and what they hope to achieve it the future, for instance.
The First Step
What happens during this time is likely to be what determines if they will get together again. Therefore, if this stage goes well, there is a strong chance that they will spend more time together.
And after they have met each on a number of occasions, at least one of them could tell others that they are now in a relationship. If this was to happen, and the other person was to hear about it, they might be only too happy to go along with it.
Time Goes By
As the weeks and months go by, this could be a relationship that ends up going from strength to strength. They could believe that they were made for each other, and this could be what other people say.
Through having this kind of connection, it might only be a matter of time before they get married and have children. The kind of connection they have is likely to make it easier for them to deal with any conflict that arises.
Perhaps one of them won’t like a habit that the other has, or maybe they believe that they work too much, for instance. Even so, they may be able to talk about things like this in way that brings them closer.
Each person could take responsibility for how they feel, which will enable them to express what is taking place within them without pointing the finger, so to speak. By taking this approach, it will be a lot easier for them to resolve conflict.
Part of Life
Still, regardless of how well two people get on when they first come into contact with each other, it is not going to be possible for them to always get on in this way. This partly comes down to the fact that they will have different challenges to face together.
Also, each person will end up seeing sides of the other person that they haven’t seen before. Therefore, even if both of them didn’t put on an act when they first got together, it is not going to mean that they will know everything about each other.
A Solid Platform
At the same time, as they didn’t put on an act during this time, they are less likely to be in for a big surprise as time goes by. How they came across in the beginning will have had a lot to do with who they are.
And as they behaved in this way at this stage, it is likely to show that these two people accept themselves. They were not looking for the other person to accept them, and this is then the reason why they could be themselves.
There is also the chance that they were not desperate to be in a relationship. They may have wanted to be with someone, but it wouldn’t have been something that consumed their whole life.
If they were needy, it might not have mattered if they accepted themselves, as this may have stopped them from being able to be themselves. Their unmet need would have taken over, and this would have caused them to put on an act.
A Different Experience
When two people don’t accept themselves, it is going to be normal for them to put on an act when they meet each other for the first time. They can end up trying to do whatever they can to please the other person.
Their need to be accepted will override just about every other need that they have, and there is also the chance that they are extremely needy too. It could then be irrelevant as to whether the other person is actually suitable for them.
The Perfect Match
Yet, even though they are both putting on act, they are likely to be caught up in how they feel. Due to what is taking place within them, there is going to be no reason for them to think about if the other person is right for them.
It could be a number of months before they start to see the other person for who they are and to let go of the idealised image that they have created. After a while, one of them could think about how the other person has completely changed.
This could then mean that they will try to do everything they can to change the other person. Who they have become is not going to be the person they want to be with; they will want to be with the person they were with before
One of them is then going to try to control the other, and this can show that they feel powerless. The other person could also remind them of the parts of themselves that they don’t want to face.
What this emphasises is how important it is for someone to accept themselves before they get into a relationship with another person. This will allow them to show up and to find out if another person is actually right for them.
In order to do this, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.