If one was to walk through a puddle, and another person was standing close by, there is the chance that both of them would get splashed. So even though one won’t have gone out of their way to do this, it would have happened anyway.
Part of Life
In the same way, what is taking place within their inner world is going to have a negative effect on some of the people who they come into contact with. It is then not going to matter if they don’t want to have this effect on others.
What could make it easier for them to accept this is that there are going to be others who will have the same effect on them. Ultimately, what is taking place within them has to go somewhere and, when it is not dealt with, it can end up being projected onto others.
One Step Further
And not only can one walk through a puddle and splash others, they can also jump into a puddle with the intention of splashing others. One will then have gone out of their way to do this and it won’t have just happened.
This is then the difference between projecting the odd issue on someone else, and placing just about every issue that is within them onto others. When this takes place, it doesn’t mean that one is going out of their way to cause harm; what it means is that their behaviour will have a much bigger effect.
A Big Difference
One is not going to be able to see what issues they are placing onto others and then to take responsibility for what shows up. Instead, certain things will press their bottoms and they won’t be able to look into why this is.
There could be one thing that always annoys them, or they could be a number of things that keep showing up in their personal reality. But even though they are the common denominator, they will see themselves as being nothing more than an observer of their reality.
It’s All Random
Perhaps one spends a lot of time with people who have anger problems and/or they could be very judgemental. This is only going to be one part though; the other part is that one will attach certain traits to people.
Consequently, it can be a challenge for them to see someone as they are; what will be normal is for them to see their own reflection. This will be the ‘negative’ part of them that they have disowned.
Out of Touch
It is then not that one is judgemental and/or has anger issues, for instance; it is that the people in their life these have issues. One could also end up perceiving people online in this way, regardless of if there is any evidence to back it up.
Their life would change if they were willing of face up to what is taking place within them and to deal it. The trouble is that when one projects their issues onto others, it can be more or less impossible for them to see what is actually taking place.
Held In Place
For one thing, one is likely to be disconnected from what is taking place in their body, and they could have people in their life who are the same. Thus, even though these people are going to be just as out of touch with themselves, they are going to make it harder for one to change.
Another thing that can play a part here is when one projects their own issue/s onto someone else and this person gets defensive or acts as though it does relate to them. This is exactly how one wants them to behave.
A Closer Look
One will have created a web and this person will have walked straight into it - they won’t end up being eaten, but they may end up feeling bad about themselves. It can all depend on how long someone is around them for.
When one has the tendency to project their issues onto others, this is likely to be a way for them to feel better about themselves. At a deeper level, they could feel completely worthless, and this then stops them from being able to own their own baggage.
This can also show that one doesn’t know where they begin and end, and where others begin and end. Through being this way and not having a strong sense of self, it is going to stop them from being able see what belongs to them and what doesn’t.
The reason they feel worthless can be the result of what happened when they were younger, and what took place here can be the reason why they lack boundaries. This may have been time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop into a well-adjusted adult.
The Other Side
When one is on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour, it can end up taking a lot out of them. The first thing they might to is to try to defend themselves, and to say that they don’t have anger issues or lack compassion, for instance.
But what they could find is that this doesn’t have much of an effect; if anything, it might make things even worse. One can then hope that the other person will change their behaviour, but this might not take place.
When one has someone like this in their life, it is going to be different to if they only see them every now and then. If they do spend time around someone like this on a regular basis, it will be a good idea for them to look into what is taking place within them.
Perhaps they don’t value themselves and also lack boundaries, and this then causes them to put up with bad behaviour and to take on other people’s issues. If they did value themselves and they had good boundaries, they wouldn’t be pulled into these kinds of dramas.
When one is in the company of someone who is projecting their issue/s onto them, it will be vital for them to make sure that they don’t get pulled in. The key will be for them to maintain their centre, and breathing deeply will be in important part of this.
It might then be necessary for them to get away from this person, and unless they are willing to look themselves in the mirror, it might be best for them to cut their ties within them. If this is something that one experiences on a regular basis, it might be a good idea of them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.