There is no doubting the importance that relationships have in life. They have the power to create incredible happiness, meaning and fulfilment. And they also have the power to create extreme unhappiness, pain and emptiness.
For some people, the good that a relationship brings, outweighs the bad. They desire to be with a man or women, depending on their sexual preference. Although it may create challenges, these challenges are not enough to make one avoid a relationship altogether.
And then there are some people who have relationships even though they bring more challenges than anything else. As well as the people who avoid them altogether.
Now, it could be said that the people who have fulfilling relationships are luckier than those who don’t have them. And that they have something that they don’t have.
This is a rationalisation that the ego mind can come to. And although this may give one a short term relief; it is unlikely to lead to have having a relationship that is fulfilling and meaningful.
And while we are all human beings, we can all have different meanings of what things mean; with this being how the ego mind functions.
The ego mind creates associations around everything in one’s life. And these associations then become what something means and this meaning is often seen as the absolute truth. These associations are what are classed familiar and therefore safe.
It doesn’t matter if these associations are empowering, healthy or accurate. All that matters to the ego mind is that they are familiar and to change them would mean death.
So let’s take a look at what some of the associations around relationships can be:
· That others can’t be trusted
· That relationships only create pain
· That one will be abandoned
· That one will be abused
· That one will be taken advantage of
· That one is unworthy of having one
· That one will be controlled
These are just a few examples of what one can believe at a deeper level. They are not the truth, but to the ego mind, they are the truth.
Through the ego mind having formed these meanings, it will cause one to attract people who reflect these associations. Or one will interpret their behaviour in a certain way, so that it does reflect them.
The associations will also trigger emotions, feelings and sensations and this will then define how one behaves and sees their life. At a basic level, they are just associations, but the effect that they have can be enormous.
These associations are typically formed during ones childhood and later in ones adult life. Howe one saw their caregivers treat each other and how they were treated by them, can all have a massive impact on how one will go on to see relationships.
And if one has experienced relationships as an adult, that were dysfunctional and unhealthy, it is likely to have lead to one forming associations that may not be to healthy.
For as long as one is not aware of how their inner world is shaping their outer world, it will be unlikely that any real progress will be made. However, as one becomes aware of how their own inner world is shaping their outer, change will begin to occur.
By simply becoming aware of how this is so, one may well be on their way. And yet for others this may require the assistance of a therapist, coach or a healer. There are many good books that go into this and these can aid one in changing their outlook.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.