Relationships: What Happens When Someone Is Always Told What To Do?

No matter what one has achieved or how old they are, they are going to times when they need another person’s guidance. And through another person’s guidance, one will learn about what they need to do in order to move forward in life or to undertake a certain task for instance.

This can take place formally and informally. When it relates to formal guidance, it can include: school, college and university. And as one gets older, it is likely to be where they work and the kind of training that they receive.

Informal guidance will include what one hears from their caregivers and extended family in the beginning of their life and as time passes, this will be from their friends, colleagues and intimate relationships.

Two Ways

So on one side will be the guidance that one receives from others in one shape or form and on the other side will be the guidance that one offers to others.  This doesn’t mean that one needs to be a ‘teacher’, as they could share what they know in other ways.

However, whether one shares what they know in ways that are formal or informal, it is going to be important for them to give and to receive. This will keep each part in balance and stop one part of them from overriding the other.

Out Of Balance

When one is out of balance, they can end up always giving advice to others regardless of whether they want it and be unable to accept the advice of others. And for someone who is unable to give advice, they could end up constantly receiving advice even when they don’t want it.

This is not necessarily black and white though, as someone can switch between the two roles. It can all depend on who they are around and how they feel for instance.

A Time And A Place

Growth is part of life and when something is not growing it is dying; there is no other option. When one receives input from others and uses what they receive, they will grow in some way. This is when what they are receiving is beneficial to their life.

But if this input from others is unwanted or destructive for instance, it will not assist someone. What it can end up doing is creating tension, cause the other person to disconnect from the person giving the advice and even create inner problems for the person on the receiving end.

Inner Guidance

In the outside world is the guidance from other people and in ones inner world, there is their inner guidance. And as this guidance comes from within, it means that it is not possible for anyone on the outside to give it.

If one is not aware of this guidance, they will need to nurture it. And if they are aware of it, it will be important for them to listen to it. If they don’t nurture this guidance, then they will miss out on what their inner world is trying to tell them. And if they are aware of it but don’t listen to it, then they will be in the same position as someone who hasn’t developed their inner guidance.

Disconnected

When there is so much going on in the external world it is not possible for one to develop their inner guidance or to listen to the guidance that is calling out to them. The outer noise ends up drowning out the inner whispers.

And part of this outer noise will be in the form of other people’s suggestions, advice and opinions as to what one should be doing or not doing in life. This could be offered with a smile or a frown, but the agenda is still going to be the same.

Boundaries

What they do or what they say is going to vary but what it comes down to, is the fact that they think they know what is best for another person. It is not possible for them to respect another person’s personal space and to understand that they don’t always know best.

Uncertainty

So whether its ones society that is constantly telling one what to do or their friend or partner for example, the same consequences can rise. Here, one will lose contact with their inner guidance and their needs and wants.

And this is not something that will happen overnight, it will happen gradually. At one point one might have a good connection to what is taking place within them but after spending time with someone or being in a certain environment, they might have no idea about what they really want or need.

Control

This will mean that one will be easier to control and to influence. They may begin to doubt their own judgment and perceptions and then one will need other people to tell them what to do.

In the beginning then, one might resist the advice of another and then over time, they might end up asking for it.

Awareness

If one has a pattern of attracting people who always tell them what do to, it will be important for them to engage in some kind of inner work and to develop their boundaries. And if it relates to one person, they might need to let the other person know that it is not acceptable.

In some cases, they might need to keep their distance or to end the relationships completely. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed in order for one to develop their boundaries and to let go of what is causing them to attract people who lack boundaries. 

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/