If one made a mess somewhere, they could either clean it up or they could leave it where it was. If they were to take the first option, it might take them a while, and this may mean they have to put something else on hold.
However, if they were to take the second option, it might allow them to carry on with the rest of their life. There is then no need for them to put their life on hold, and they can carry on as if nothing has happened.
Pleasure and Pain
When one has to clean seething up, it is not going to be very pleasurable; it is likely to be something that will cause them to experience pain. Avoiding the problem can then strop one from having to get their hands dirty, so to speak.
It could then only be a matter of time before they have forgotten about what happened, and if the same thing was to happen again, they could do the same thing. One could also be in a position where they have a lot going on, and this is likely to mean that they haven’t got much time.
On one side, there is the chance that one could overlook what took place, and through doing this, their life won’t be affected. Or if what has happened does have an impact, it could be minimal.
In this case, it will be too insignificant to leave a mark, and one won’t need to worry about it. Yet as time passes, what didn’t affect them at one point in time could end up affecting them at another.
The Other Side
When this happens, one may start to see that it is not possible for them to overlook the mess that they have made. If it didn’t take a while to affect their life, it would have been easier for them to realise this.
As it takes a while, it can be easy for one to believe that they don’t need to worry about what has happened. In the short-term, it might be possible for them to experience less pain; but in the long-term, they could end up experiencing even more pain.
There could be a time where one needs to use a certain area, and this might not be possible because of the mess they have made. It could also create a bad impression if other people were to see what has taken place.
Now, it could be said that these consequences are pretty insignificant; however, if one was to fall over what they had left, it could cause them to experience a lot of pain. This shows that there are a number of things that could arise as time passes.
Likewise, if one had a relationship problem, they could either take the steps to work through what is happening, or they could overlook what is taking place. There is also the chance that they could go one step further, and instead of just ignoring what is happening; they could simply walk way.
Through walking away, it can allow one to gain control of how they feel, and this can be seen as the best option. If they were to stay in contact with the other person, there is the chance that they would have to come into contact with feelings that would make them feel uncomfortable.
It is human nature to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, and this means that it could be seen as normal for one to want to avoid feeling uncomfortable. What could also encourage them to take this approach is if the relationships is not very fulfilling.
Being around the other person may cause them to suffer in one way or another, and they can then come to the conclusion that they no longer want to have the other person in their life. Cutting the other person out of their life can then seem like the logical approach to take.
In this case, when one no longer has contact with someone it will allow them to experience emotional control. The feelings that they used to experience whilst they were in the other persons presence might no longer be experienced.
Therefore, it will give one the chance to experience inner peace, and this could be something that they rarely, if ever, experienced around the other person. The trouble with kind of behaviour is that it is unlikely to allow one to work through how they feel, and this is because the other person is likely to be seen as the cause of what is taking place within them.
One is going to be resisting what is taking place within them, and this can then cause them to create the same experience all over again. Along with this, it can cause one to stay emotionally attached to the other person.
Thus, even though one can believe that they are no longer connected to them; this can be nothing more than an illusion. One can then be out of touch with how they feel, but at the same time, their behaviour can still be defined by the other person.
While this is something that can take place with friends and in intimate relationships, it is also something that can happen with other family members. When it relates to a family member, one can end up moving to another part of town or even to another country.
The kind of relationships one has with a family member can have a strong emotional charge, and they may find it hard to maintain their boundaries around them. Getting away from one family member or a number of members is then a way for them to experience mental and emotional relief.
Through embracing how they feel and processing this pain, it will stop one from having to re-create the same dynamics in another relationship. Their life can be an expression of their true-self as opposed to being a way for them to avid how they feel.
This is not to say that one needs to spend time with someone who has a negative effect on their well-being. This process can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.