When it comes to what a woman is going to be like, a man will have a set of expectations. And sometimes these can be consciously known and at other times, they can be completely unconscious.
However, no matter whether these are conscious or unconscious, they will still have a massive impact on their relationships with the opposite sex. So if these expectations are generally fulfilling and functional, there is unlikely to be too many challenges that arise from having them.
And yet, when these expectations are unfulfilling and dysfunctional, there is inevitably going to be challenges. On one side these challenges could be mildly frustrating, to being extremely difficult on the other.
When a man’s experiences with women reflect what they were expecting, they can come to see that they were right and a sense of validation will be achieved. Here, they will have experienced exactly what they expected to experience.
If these expectations are unconscious, the man could then be surprised at what shows up. And everything could then be seen as being random and not having a deeper cause.
But while these experiences can reflect what one expected to experience or be completely unexpected, there is nothing random about them. What one expects to experience with women is generally a consequence of their expectations. One is not simply an observer in this process, they are a co creator.
And these expectations can appear in all of the relationships that one has with women. So this can apply to: family, friends, colleagues, lovers and every other kind of relationship that one can have with a woman.
If one has expectations that are disempowering, then they could experience challenges in all types of relationships. But the relationship that is likely to have the biggest impact out of all these is an intimate relationship.
The Key Area
To have colleague or a family member who is unpleasant can be part of life and somewhat acceptable. And yet when one has an intimate relationship with a woman that is unfulfilling or abusive, it is going to be a problem.
That is if one has even got this far, they might have made the decision to avoid women as much as they can. This could appear to be the only way to minimize the consequences that are created due to the expectations that they have.
The Human Need
It is a human need to emotionally connect to others and especially to intimately connect to another person. So if a man’s expectations cause him to continually attract women who are not kind, loving and supportive for instance, then an important human need may go unfulfilled; as a result of women being kept at a distance and intimacy being avoided.
There are going to be numerous expectations that a man can have in relation to women and some of these can be:
· That women are distant
· That women are abusive
· That women are controlling
· That women are unavailable
· That women are cold
· That women can’t be trusted
· That women are self centred
These examples may not be functional or lead to healthy interactions with women, but they are what feel familiar to the ego mind. And what is familiar is what is classed as safe. So although they have no real benefit to one’s life, they feel comfortable at a deeper level.
This is why the women, who one attracts into their life and is attracted to, can be the same. It’s because this is what feels right and if they were different to this, it wouldn’t feel right. The women who don’t match up to these expectations will be filtered out in some way.
When other men attract women who are different, they could be classed as being lucky or different in some way. In reality, the difference is the kind of expectations that they have.
At a conscious level one can have the desire to meet women who are a certain way and this can be in direct opposition to the expectations that are coming up from their body or the so called unconscious mind.
And this is a form of self sabotage; instead of one feeling a sense of support within, they feel at odds with themselves. Their mind wants one thing and their body is craving something radically different.
The reasons for this inner disharmony can come down to what has happened to one as an adult with women and it can relate to how one was treated by their mother during their early years.
At this moment, a man could have had a mother that was: emotionally or physically unavailable and therefore didn’t respond to their needs or wants; was controlling, overbearing or even abusive.
These moments would have caused one to feel certain feelings and emotions in response to what was taking place. And while some of these may have been expressed, others would have become trapped in the body.
This then became the model of what a woman was like and although these expectations are not functional or healthy, they become what felt safe. So a man can continue to attract and to be attracted to women who match these early experiences.
Although there are all types of women in the world, the expectations that one has will largely define how they will see women and their experiences with them. And ones emotional history can remain in the body and this is creating the conflict between the body and mind.
So as these trapped feelings and emotions are released from the body, ones experiences with women will begin to change. And as one feels different, their experiences will be different and their mind will gradually start to think differently.
This can be done through the assistance of a therapist or healer who will allow one to face their feelings and emotions and release them. However, the approach will depend on how much of a challenge this is for a man.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.