Relationships: Where Does A Man’s Idea Of A Woman Come From?

When it comes to what women are like, there are numerous ideas that men can have. And while the world is made up of all types of women, there are certain ideas that a man will have formed. These are not just going to be disconnected descriptions, but descriptions that carry emotional weight.

And although the ones that carry an emotional weight can be the ones that a man is attracted to or attracts, they can also relate to women that are: colleagues, friends and family members.

These descriptions can then be seen as how all women are and not just the kind of women that they attract or are attracted to, but even the women who are part of their life in other ways.

Experiences

For some men in the world, their experiences will lead to the conclusion that women are generally: loving, supportive, receptive, respectful, kind and honest for example. And for these kinds of men, it is unlikely that they would be reading an article like this. If they were, it may simple be due to curiosity.

But on the other side of the spectrum will be men who all only too familiar with women who are the opposite of the description above. These can be: distant, cold, aloof, obnoxious, disrespectful and even abusive for instance.

And for the man who is consistently ending up in situations where women are not pleasant or loving, it is going to lead to all kinds of problems.

The Conscious Mind

So, at a conscious level a man can have the need to attract a woman or to be around women that are loving. But this is not taking place and this can lead to the outlook that: other men are lucky, all women are the same or other men are different and have something that one doesn’t have.

And based on what is occurring; these conclusions would seem to adequately describe what is taking place. However, what they are unlikely to lead to is change or enable one to experience women that are different.

A Deeper Look

But while the mind can create all kinds of stories as to why one is experiencing these types of women, the answers don’t exist on outside: the answers can only be found within. It is here, that the reason as to why one attracts the women that they do can be known

This brings our attention to the ego mind. The ego mind works through associations and what is familiar, is classed as what is safe. And anything can become familiar; it doesn’t have to be: positive, functional or empowering. It can just as easily be: dysfunctional, negative and disempowering.

All that matters to the ego mind is that it is familiar. Whether it leads to happiness or unhappiness is ultimately irrelevant.

What’s The Connection?

So consciously one can feel angry, frustrated and hopeless when they reflect on their experiences with women. However, at a deeper level, there is a reason that these types of women keep showing up.

This person’s ego mind has associated these women as being familiar and therefore safe. And as a result of these associations being dysfunctional and unhealthy, it is causing pain and suffering.

It might seem strange that the mind would have formed these kinds of associations, especially when they are not leading to functional or fulfilling relationships with women.

The Past

What takes place in the beginning of one’s life is often forgotten about and this can lead to confusion in later life. One of the biggest influences in how a man sees women and the kind of women that they attract is the kind of mother they had.

This can then become the model of what women are like and all women will then be filtered through this model. And this can be a model that is functional or dysfunctional.

The Mother

How the man’s mother responded to them as a child will play a massive part. This could be a mother whose care was generally empathic and emotionally available: taking care of their needs and wants in most cases. The child would have been: validated, mirrored, touched and soothed at appropriate times.

Or it could have been a mother that was generally unempathic and emotionally unavailable: neglecting their needs and wants in the majority of cases. In the extreme, this mother could have been abusive in some way. And the child could have been: invalidated, abandoned and rejected for instance.

Consequences

Now, if one had a mother that was like the first description, there shouldn’t be too many problems in later life when it comes to women. But if they had a mother that was like the second description, there is the potential for challenges to occur in later life.

And this is due to these early experiences becoming what is familiar and therefore safe to the ego mind. So even though this early experience was neither functional nor healthy, through repetition, it defined what one would later feel comfortable with.

So this will have formed how they see women, the kind of women they attract and the kind of women they are attracted to.

Awareness

While the world is made up of all types of women, the reason ones attracts the kind of women that they do is due to it being familiar. If one is attracting women that are unsuitable, there will be resistance at a conscious level. But at a deeper level there is an attraction to these kinds of women.

In order to let go of these associations and the emotions that may have remained in the body since those early years, it may be necessary to seek the assistance of a therapist of healer. Or one can undertake this process through assistance of a coach, trusted friend or some kind or self inquiry. The kind of assistance that is needed can depend on how much of a challenge this is.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/