Even though one will have their own life to lead while they are on this planet, it doesn’t mean that they will actually have their own life. Instead, they could end up spending most of their tine focusing on other people’s problems.
When this takes place, they could end up being seen as someone who is a selfless human being. Therefore, one will be neglecting themselves but they will still receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others.
What this comes down to is that it is often believed that it is a bad thing for someone to focus on their own needs and a good thing to focus on other people’s needs. This is then something that is black and white and that’s all there is to it.
Consequently, it will be easy for the years to go by and for one not to come into contact with anyone who will tell them that their behaviour is unhealthy. Now, this is not to say that every part of them will be happy with what is going on; what it is likely to mean is that the part of them that is not happy will generally be ignored.
One will typically be focused on what is going on externally, causing them rarely pay attention to their own needs and feelings, let alone meet them. They may be in a relationship or they may be single, but there is always going to be people in their life who need their help.
If they are not in a relationship, they might have more time for other people, but then again, this might not matter. They are then not going to be employed by anyone to be there for others, but it will be as though this is their reason for being on this earth.
When they are around others, they could generally come across as happy and easy going; however, this could be radically different to what they are like in their own company. During this time, they could end up feeling down and even depressed.
Still, they could come to believe that this hasn’t got anything to do with how they live their life. They may have come to conclude that it is due to a chemical imbalance, for instance.
Business as Usual
Ultimately, the pain that they experience when they are by themselves will be there to let them know that they are living in the wrong way. Yet, unless they listen to themselves, it won’t be possible for them to make use of this guidance.
They will continue to place other people’s needs above their own and to put their own life on hold in the process. So, even if they do have a fulfilling career, for example, they are unlikely to be doing as well as they could.
One way of looking at this kind of behaviour would be to say that this allows one to avoid their own life. Ergo, if they were to spend less time focusing on other people’s needs and more time on their own needs, it might cause them to experiencing a lot of pain.
Based on this, if they were to face their own pain and to work through it, their behaviour would gradually change. This is then analogous to how someone can stop comfort eating when they no longer feel sad, for instance.
What one is likely to find, if they were to no longer behave in this way, is that they start to feel uncomfortable. If they were to go a little deeper, they may see that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs.
They may believe that other people’s needs are more important than their own, which would explain why they try to do so much for them. Being there for others may then be an indirect way for them to fulfil their own needs.
Along with neglecting their own needs, they may also find that their behaviour rarely has a positive effect on others. The reason for this is that they could do things for others that they shouldn’t do.
Through trying to rescue or save others, it will make it harder for them to take responsibility for their own life. It might be more accurate to say that they will be helping to keep some of these people where they are - in a dependent state.
If one was to look back on what took place during the beginning of their life, they may find that this was a time when they had to focus on their caregivers needs. Their primary purpose would have been to serve their caregivers, causing them to lose touch with their own needs.
This would have set them up to believe that their value was based on what they did as opposed to who they were. Pleasing their caregivers would have been the primary way for them to receive positive feedback.
The years would have passed, and this would have changed their appearance, but they would have continued to behave in the same way. And, Instead of trying to please their parents, they would have tried to please other people.
In order for them to change their behaviour, they will need to change what they believe about their own needs and they may need to grieve their unmet childhood needs. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.